Resiliency First

Have you ever thought in your career or life: “What could I have accomplished in my life if only…,” or, “I should have taken this direction but didn’t,” or, “If only I would have made this decision, my career and lifer might be different.” I’ve definitely been there and done that.

All of us face these “woulda, coulda, shouldas” throughout our lives. There are decisions I have made that I sometimes regret and opportunities missed because I did not see them. But I have never let those  moments define me…there have been so many other times I have made the right calls and benefited immensely from them.

I’ve been able to jump over these hurdles because I try very hard to stay in the present and not look back. A friend of mine said of himself: “Looking back has always been a challenge for me because I nearly always paint myself in less resilient light and see more negativity than not.”

As I’ve talked with thousands of good folks like you each week, I sense that many of you also sometimes focus on such life negatives.  Let’s face it: We all do at some points in our lives. The key I have found is not letting these past moments torment you moving forward. Instead, all of us should celebrate the wonderful resilience that makes us very successful and worthwhile to all those in our orbit.

Staying resilient, especially during these very challenging times, can be very hard. Like me, you might have been laid off during this economic perfect storm, or know good friends that are struggling through their own life ups and downs.

For me, and maybe you, such challenges affect how we like ourselves and the confidence to look past them. Whether we are struggling at our jobs, or continue trying to be successful in our personal relationships, the past can sometimes affect how we react.

On a personal level, I’ve had to deal with a life-long physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), and it has caused me to lose confidence many times in my life. While I don’t see my disability now as an insurmountable negative, it can challenge how I view myself if I am not careful. Especially during these winter months, for example, I just have to be very disciplined when walking on snow or ice or I may lose my balance and fall.

All of us have our own set of unique circumstances, and I don’t talk about my disability to seek your empathy. I do bring my life up because it shows we need to balance our perceived negatives in a way that allows us an avenue to be successful – whether through your personal and work journeys.

One life strategy I have found to overcome such disability obstacles is to compartmentalize my difficult moments. You may want to try shutting a particular compartment door for awhile if a perceived negative or past burden becomes too much to handle. I never avoid the door again but I find another part of my life going well – whether it is life or career related.

These “other compartments” usually help build my confidence back up again where I can deal with that troubling door. Such resilient doors might be sharing a quiet and gentle moment with my wonderful wife, or counseling my 14-year-old daughter that not everything in life will go exactly as she wants it.

Juggling all aspects of life and keeping a healthy balance between what you can and cannot control – in your past and the present – is truly the definition of resilience. This balance allows me to successfully close the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” parts of my world. These include “If only I would be ‘normal’ and not have this disability. I could really be a success.”

But I have realized in the last few years – I’m turning 50 at the end of this month – that my disability is not the perceived negative I’ve always categorized it to be. It allows me to be more adaptive, be more accommodating to “differences,” and lets me understand how lucky I am to have a very successful resiliency business – and terrific family – despite any physical issues.

The next time you see a particular aspect of your life as negative or reoccurring year after year, just remember how lucky you are to have your wonderful life. There are still parts of this world that good folks like us are living and eating off of garbage dumps with little hope. Or, parents in some areas of the world have to suffer through infant mortality rates of 40 percent in the first two years of life. When I look at such circumstances, my disability – or your perceived negatives – most likely pale in comparison.

So, the next time a perceived negative (even a recurring one) rears its ugly head in your life, I suggest that they are never usually as challenging as first thought. Compartmentalizing and not allowing them to dominate your life will help you stay resilient no matter what obstacle comes your way.

Disability or not, I’m not going to let its past, present or even future dictate the confidence or belief in myself. If you tackle your unique “moments” with as much hope, you’ll never look back unnecessarily again and regret any decision you’ve made in your world.

I wish all of you the best of holiday seasons! Until next week…

With the holidays nearly in full swing, there is so much to be thankful in our fantastic world. Yet, so many of you, including me, have been rocked by the economy in myriad of ways in 2009.

In previous articles, I mentioned that I was laid off from my dream job earlier this year because of the economic perfect storm. You may have had a similar plight. Or, you are trying to adapt to a new scenario at your work because you are being asked to do much more because many colleagues have unfortunately received the pink slip. Sometimes even more challenging, you may have dealt with a personal issue of losing a loved one, struggles with your kids, or the ending of a long-term relationship.

No matter the instance, there are very few of these circumstances that should make you drop to your knees in shame, regret or sorrow. While your stress may have reached a crescendo this year, the All-Mighty – no matter what your faith – has a plan for all of us. Usually, this plan has many rewarding facets, and opens a door that you never thought was there before. It can be truly amazing!

For me, this has happened in a couple ways – professionally and personally. Both have been profound and have emphasized to me to always believe there’s a new resilient road waiting for all of us.

Professionally, as I mentioned, I began 2009 as one of 1,500 great employees who were beginning to be laid off from a terrific company. This company relied on credit to do business, which made it a multi-billion company through its more than 50 years. The Great Recession, however, brought this venerable corporation to its knees. More than 75 percent of its nationwide workforce has been laid off to date.

Then there’s me. A corporate communications executive looking for work that had disappeared – or at east been put on hold – from nearly every company. The open jobs out there at my level also were being pursued by 400 other qualified individuals. I’d get to the final group of applicants but there always was someone who had 30 of 30 requirements – while I had 29 of 30.

As you should in a similar circumstance: I began looking “outside the box” and finding a new course that could take advantage of my 25+ years of writing and speaking skills. After focusing on fine-tuning my personal brand, I began writing a resiliency blog and the rest has been so rewarding and very humbling. More than 1 million hits…top four personal branding blogs in the nation…speaking engagement locally, nationally and possibly worldwide….and, yes, gratification and peace of mine.

The point for all of us: Believe in your skills and look for ways to apply them in unique ways in these challenging times. You need to create a large space between feeling helpless (like I initially did), and finding something you truly want to do in life that, of course, pays the bills. I thought my previous position was fantastic but helping me and all of you get past our life and career resiliency struggles is much more rewarding and gratifying. What do you ultimately want to do in life?

For me personally, it was also an enriching year. My wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, and our 14-year-old daughter is achieving her black belt in Kung Fu and doing extremely well in school. Most importantly, I found a way to look past my life struggles as a person with a disability (Cerebral Palsy), and show great folks like you the ways to successfully apply resilience in every part of your life and career.

Talking frankly about my disability as a resilient example to you was not an easy transformation for me. Those with disabilities are taught through experiences at a young age “to stay in the weeds” and not become too noticeable in this “normal” world. Especially at a young age, physically challenged folks like me don’t always want to highlight their “differences” because they want to fit in and be seen as “normal” as possible.

Now that I am celebrating 50 this month, I have found that you can’t worry about your perceived “weaknesses.” You need to focus on your strengths because that’s what folks will remember. Since my mid-forties, I began to realize that my disability, which affects my walking and balance, was actually a resilient strength not a weakness. It only took me nearly 50 years to realize my lifelong adaptability has made me a hopefully better and more compassionate person…

The next time you see yourself in a discouraging light at work or in your personal relationships, please remember all of your unique strengths that have allowed you to be successful. But also look inside yourself for an area or two that you can crystalize to be healthier and a more resilient person in all aspects of your life. I did this, and it is making such a difference in my life!

The holiday season is time for joy and a resilient anticipation for tomorrow…if only you make a commitment to see past the challenges and be the best and courageous person that you are. You know that YOU are that person…

Until next week, I encourage you to please stay strong and resilient no matter what challenges you are navigating through!

As pro golfer Tiger Woods found out recently, life mistakes can have a profound effect on our family and the fabric of our lives. Whether we make mistakes large or small, however, it is our resiliency, adaptability and honesty that will help us move past such challenges in our lives and/or careers.

I don’t want to talk any further about Tiger’s own personal issues except to say they reemphasize a lesson I learned many years ago: It’s not that we make mistakes, it’s how we react from those challenges that truly make the ultimate difference in our continuing success.

Circumstances Should Not Consume Us

While I have a very wonderful 25-year marriage, the point is we can’t let circumstances consume us no matter what those challenges may be. Many of us, for example, have gone through layoff challenges in this perfect storm economy or have been over-burdened at work because of extra duties added with valued colleagues being let go.

Should we feel down at least momentarily…of course. Should we lose our confidence for the moment because very challenging things have come to our doorstop…while I hope not but we are, again, only human. I made the mistake of blaming myself after my layoff even though I was told I was one of the top performers at my company. I also made a mistake initially thinking that I just had one course of action to try to find the same type communications executive position I’ve always been successful at in the past.

My additional mistake was letting such circumstances consume me without seeing the true skills and potential I had in this “new” economy. You also may have experienced this, but I did a lot of soul-searching after I figured out the types of jobs I was accustomed to were just not there – or at least not readily available – anymore.

I Did Not See My Life Gifts or the Broad Picture…

So where was I going to go and what were my next options. To be honest, I just did not know at first. Should I continue down the same employment path as before or should I do something else? Well, what I decided is an example that I suggest you consider as you move down your unique career and life journey.

Re-Looking at Your Personal Brand is Critical

I looked extremely hard at my personal brand and what I truly loved to do in life. I want to retire some day in Hawaii but that is not going to happen any time soon. So how should I use my many talents in life to continue being reasonably successful in life? After a lot of reflection, I decided to use my gifts as a writer and speaker to help others with their shared desire to have a happy life and very resilient future. But how could I do this?

For my health, I started to write this blog to keep my writing talents sharp and my skills in talking with people fine-tuned. It was a God-send and a true revelation…my common-sense resiliency strategies hit the right cord. I used my personal work resiliency moments and life challenges as a person with a disability (Cerebral Palsy) to help provide – as many of you have highlighted – real life vignettes that show how all of us can stay resilient.

While I now have more than a million hits on this blog, and have made speeches to organizations and individuals worldwide, the point is that I needed to re-invent the way I thought about myself leading me to a very resilient mindset. That has helped me maintain my confidence, stay persistent and be truly patient as I find ways to spread the resiliency message to (very, very humbly) millions of great folks like you.

Never Limit Yourself

The additional point: Please never limit yourself or let any mistake consume you to where you do not see your true potential – not only at work but in life. If I would have stayed the typical course, I’d still be out of work with much reduced confidence and a sense of diminishing hope. Now, I have a resiliency business that is so gratefully taking off. Despite my layoff mistakes initially, I looked at my self hard, determined what I absolutely wanted to do in life and developed a plan to get me there.

So, if you have made life or career mistakes or are facing other significant challenges, I suggest you never give up believing in yourself, your resilient attitude or the rock-solid values you live by everyday. While I personally went through my “black hole” after the very agonizing layoff, I found the resilient formula to be happy and healthy in my life.

Understand your personal brand and confidently go to where you want to be. I know you can have even more success than me if you only believe…

I will talk with you next week, and I hope you are staying resilient despite the possible missteps and challenges all of us inevitably face.

While I typically focus on career and life resiliency issues, many of you have asked me to discuss ways blogging can be used for professional as well as for personal endeavors. My free resiliency blog, which began as a way for me to stay healthy and focused after a layoff, has now helped me very humbly gain visibility and credibility worldwide on resiliency topics. I am so grateful that the blog has also assisted me in beginning my successful speaking and writing business.

In these challenging times, blogging can be one of many very effective and resilient tools in communicating with your employees and the world on a whole myriad of topics. As many of us use blogging as a way to express ourselves, there are numerous ways corporations can find ways to strategically make blogging work for them internally – and externally.

In a recent national survey, blogging for work purposes is now seen as an important way to help maintain a resilient mindset among employees. Many corporations – large and small – are looking at blogging as a way to get their executives closer to employees, while offering them a “real time” way to communicate with each other – especially in different offices and remote locations.

As I’ve talked with terrific folks like you worldwide, finding ways to further communicate messages or bring teams closer together are definitely at a premium in these very challenging economic times. If done appropriately, corporate or business blogging can become one of your most innovative and resilient ways to communicate messages that may be more effective than using traditional communications techniques.

A Resilient Beginning

Firstly, I’d encourage you to think about the following workplace questions:

Do you see blogging as only a fad with little obvious use in a business setting? Are you a bit apprehensive that your supervisors at your company would not see recommending corporate blogging positively? Do you see your current set of communications vehicles at work satisfactory in effectively getting information out throughout the company? Are you not sure of the various “out-of-the-box” ways of communicating such as business blogging is right for your company or corporate culture?

If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, don’t feel alone. A recent national survey of managers and supervisors found that 83 percent of us said “yes” to at least one of these questions. More than 50 percent said “yes” to all of them.

Are you surprised? I wasn’t. I have spent the last 25 years successfully (or at least mostly successfully) testing and implementing new communications techniques. I remember when e-mail was in its infancy and there were good folks saying that such communications vehicles would not be used much except in personal correspondence.

As I highlight my journeys with blogging, here are a few corporate facts to mull over:

- 55% of corporations have adopted blogs for both internal (91.4%) and external (96.6%) communications, and are finding significant benefit to both forms.

- 70% of those corporations not yet blogging plan to start.

- More than half of all corporate blogs have started within the last year and penetrated nearly all industries.

The Possibilities Are Endless

After a layoff earlier this year because of the economy’s perfect storm, this truly tragic and painful experience led me to create a personal life and career resiliency blog for my health – http://resiliencyfirst.com. My blog’s success is now attracting more than 20,000 great folks like you worldwide monthly. This has propelled me to start a resiliency speaking and writing business reaching 100s of thousands – and I hope eventually millions – worldwide with the strategies for those who are struggling at work or looking for their next great work adventure.

Unique Ways to Convey Messages

As I was creating my business blog, I have made sure my writings stay “real” using my personal business experiences and my life-long challenges as a person with a physical disability (Cerebral Palsy). Both highlight common-sense resiliency strategies for career and life success.  The keys for me have been to be authentic, write about something I know about and tell my true feelings about myself and my resiliency topics – warts and all.

Importantly for my business, this also included:

1. What value will I provide my audience? If you don’t provide value you won’t get folks back.

2. What specific subjects can I write about in a timely manner?  I’ve now written 40 articles reaching so many folks worldwide.

3. What will get your attention? How do I get them to read it and think they should. Headline and first paragraph are everything. If they read nothing else that gives you the gist.

4. Write like you’d like to be written to…

Our Own Individual Deck of Cards

My physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) affects my walking and the right side of my body. While I don’t mention this lifelong challenge upfront in my speeches, webinars or blog articles, I do highlight some of my personal life experiences that have formed my resilient mindset in life. These “real moments” are so important in keeping your messages worthwhile to your audiences – whether corporately or for your personal experiences.

I suggest you always remember that the needs to be passionate, real, not preachy, gauge your audience and, most importantly, understand the right writing tone the blog should be. A corporate or business blog should not be written like a newsletter or an e-mail. Through my experience, it is best to write the piece in first person – as you may talk with someone over coffee.

Understandably, this is easier said than done. But as I write my own business blog, I use personal business experiences as well as my life vignettes to provide practical resiliency examples and strategies to my worldwide audience. I openly talk about my layoff experiences and my physical disability challenges to connect with audiences in my unique way. Again, I try to understand my audience and compassionately relate to their struggles and needs.

I, however, never put my life challenges above anyone else…there are many terrific folks like you that have your own unique set of experiences that may be more challenging than mine. Very humbly again , many have commented that my blog is like talking with them one-on-one…whether they are in Australia, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia and six of seven continents so far. I am so gratified that this is how I can keep my audience interested – and coming back for more.

For my business, I blog folks to help them tap into their own resilience. I mix in my personal and professional vignettes to show that all of us need to dust ourselves off once in awhile and get back in the “game of life.”

Whether it is me falling and hitting my head on a marble floor in front of work colleagues because of my disability or inevitable work challenges, my messages are always about adapting to circumstances sometimes out of a person’s control. Such real examples resonate with folks because I’m giving them a little of myself and showing that I’m successfully adapting to the cards all of us are dealt in life.

My business blogging  strategy is to show folks they can be more resilient than they think. All of us have a lot going on if only we believe in ourselves.

Why was I Motivated to Create My Blog?

Besides offering me a way to stay healthy after my layoff, helping folks through their struggles – whether looking for work or trying to find their next great adventure – was one of the main reasons I created my site. All of us need a little help and understanding once in a while, and I thought my common sense resiliency strategies might crack open the door to those who have had it had just shut in their face. It’s been a humbling experience having so many great folks like you worldwide follow and comment on my writings on a weekly basis.

This has allowed me business-wise to get established as a great resource, which has translated my demand for resiliency speaking gigs at corporations, colleges, associations and conferences. My blog’s success also has given me the opportunity to create an upcoming web site where I can offer resiliency e-books, taped presentations, audio podcasts and webinars to reach out for those of you looking to build own your own life and career resiliency.

Corporate or business blogging can make a difference in so many ways…

So Blogging is Hard Technically…Not!

As I thought about writing a blog, my main worries were not being able to write effectively or speak in front of terrific groups like this. When I was getting started, my biggest perceived challenge was how to do it technically. What blogging software should I use? How would I update my site regularly, etc., etc.? I may be able to write a speech or article like this in a couple hours, the infrastructure of computer technology can sometimes bring me to my knees for mercy.

I realized I needed to stick with my skill sets of writing and speaking, and seek the assistance of others to set up the technical and infrastructure aspects of my blog. I did some research and contracted with one of my Linkedin friends to set me up, so I could just focus on the creative end of things.

For less than $10 per month and a small set up fee, my Linkedin friend created a blog for me on Word Press, a publishing platform that makes it a snap just to post, post, post.

The key in posting, however, is the frequency in which you do it.

Setting a Schedule

Whether you are doing a business or personal blog, an important key to its on-going success is the frequency of your posts.

The blog became so fortunately a “regular read” for so many folks worldwide. People write me back messages using the words “great,” “fantastic” and “right on” in reaction to my resiliency messages. This “excitement” has translated to a large readership and the opportunity for me to reach out more with a new web site, speeches and webinars.

For my business blog, I post at least one new article every week. My readership is used to the routine now. If I disrupt their expectations and leave the site static for too long, I could ultimately lose credibility, visibility and influence.

Keeping on Subject is Important

I mentioned earlier about understanding your audience and only writing on subjects you know and feel confident about. While I have been a corporate communications executive  for more than two decades, my business blog is not about corporate speak. My business brand is about resiliency in your life and career. My readership is based on discussing candidly – through personal and professional experiences – about such resiliency issues. If I would go off my brand, I would potentially confuse and alienate my audience.

There’s an old saying that I think sums it up for me: “A company’s brand takes much work to attain and an instant to lose.” Staying on subject in a professional or personal blog will keep enriching your brand, so your messages stay pertinent to what your audience expects to hear from you. Please always remember, my friends, to stay on brand.

My Echo Can Be Heard

O.K., I thought I had a great idea about establishing a blog about resiliency. But then I worried about how my potential audience would find my messages. In a corporation, it is a bit easier because you’ve got a captive audience – so to speak – it is just getting them to read and see value in the corporate blog, which we chatted about earlier.

For me, I was out in cyberspace with ten trillion other sites wanting folks to click on them. To build my base following, I used other social media avenues – like Linkedin, FaceBook and Twitter – to link my blog and articles to the world. I also joined an online news publication that I wrote articles about resiliency and “advertised” my blog. It takes a lot of work to get noticed and move your Google analytics get higher and higher.

By using such social media and Internet tools, I’ve been able to get my business blog usually on the first page of searches in Google when folks are looking for info about life resiliency. Updating the blog on a regular basis also helps with the frequency to where my blog is seen.

That’s Great and Everything But What Else Corporately?

Possible ways to use business blogs is to establish a CEO or management blog as a way to offer alternative options to communicate sensitive messages.  Then, to make such a strategy more effective, the next step is to allow employees to post comments in reply to management’s blog entries…this builds a link between the two groups. In this way, executives can keep a finger on the pulse of their workforce, and managers can gain feedback on projects or ideas they might implement. This enables a “flatter” corporate hierarchy in the fashion of many modern corporate structures.

There is, however, more chance for a blogging mishap once you enable employees to leave messages on the blog. The opportunity for something inappropriate to be posted increases drastically.  If employee commenting is to be allowed, a much more involved policy on blogging must be developed. Also, this is a much larger undertaking for the HR and IT departments.

The riskiest and potentially most rewarding internal blogging model allows any employee to start new posts. I have used this corporately in the past. This situation can create a collaborative environment not possible without an online forum having the functionality of blogs. Without blogs, an employee might ask a question of a single or a few co-workers. By posting the question on a blog, a solution may be solicited from anyone in the organization with expertise in the topic.

The right architecture can connect employees from around the world for resource and idea sharing. Teammates can easily keep the whole team informed on project progress, and managers can announce to a whole office when their employees have completed impressive tasks.

Likewise, employees can use the blogs to stay in touch on a personal level. Blogs can be used to organize extracurricular sports leagues or other events, facilitate ticket and garage sales, or share birth and marriage announcements.

Externally Speaking

External blogs are made available on the Internet for the world to read. These are intended for marketing and for developing a community based around your products, brand and thought leadership. External blogs offer a forum for company representatives to communicate with the public. Executives can release important industry relevant news, developers can share product documentation, employees can provide a window into daily life at the organization, and marketers can communicate directly with their target audiences.

Like internal blogs, the external model may also implement systems based on the privileges granted to various users with similar risks and advantages. Stricter

policies create a safer, more legal-friendly blog while looser policies can create a larger and tighter community. Wherever in the policy spectrum a company’s needs lie, there are a number of best practices to follow.

Transparency is Key

People who read and write blogs generally speak plainly and expect others to do the same – whether in the corporate world or not.  Since blogging has become part of the main stream – at least on a personal level – folks are use to quickly dismissing messages that employ buzzwords and marketing speak. It is important that internal or external corporate blog posts always be candid and honest.

As I’ve mentioned, it should also be clear who is blogging and why. Most people want to know the source of any information and blogs are no exception. In the case of corporate blogs, readers will want to know the poster’s position in the organization and the motivation for making public announcements on the Internet.

Bloggers are already on the Internet and use it to relentlessly to check facts and sources. If they feel like a post is an attempt to hoodwink them with half-truths or camouflaged marketing messages, bloggers will make short work of discrediting an author — and the parent company. Credibility is particularly hard to recover in the blogosphere, and failed attempts at slighting the blog community frequently make head- lines. Several case studies address this golden rule of blogging.

There are definitely many more applications you can use corporate or business blogs to your advantage.  My own business example is one of many possibilities for you to ponder. I encourage you to look on the Internet to further expand your business or company’s world of corporate blogs – from customer relationships, to internal collaborations, to knowledge management to, yes, even recruitment.

In my business journeys, I’ve definitely come to realize that blogging is more than just a personal way to communicate your views. It’s a business strategy to enhance brand, image and profit margin.

I hope it also will be a great strategy and opportunity for you and/or your company!

You unfortunately did not receive that deserved promotion or increase in pay at your company. A supposed friend decides to end your 10-year relationship with an e-mail message saying out-of-the-blue, “We have nothing in common anymore.” Your teenage kids are having too many “teen moments” testing your sanity and patience. Your boss tells you today that layoffs will be happening soon including your position.

Those Inevitable Potholes

Life is definitely full of potholes in our world, and I suppose (once or twice) you’ve asked yourself, “Why Me.” I’ve also been through similar obstacles i my life, and I always remember something my Dad told me when I was young: “Never hang your head and focus on the things you can truly control in life.”

For me, this was my attitude when I was younger – I will be turning 50 next month. You see, in addition to all the typical challenges in life, I also had to deal with something not so usual – a lifelong physical disability known as Cerebral Palsy. The disability affects – sometimes significantly – my walking, balance and the right side of my body.

I don’t bring my disability up to tap into your empathy. Some of you may have life challenges more significant than I could imagine. I do bring up my life history because I still sometimes say “Why Me” as I unfortunately trip and hit my head on an unforgiving floor, or my back seizes up if I don’t treat it with “kid gloves.”

Reacting to Inevitable Life Moments

Wow! All of us have our crazy life moments, but my true success in life is how I react from those inevitable obstacles of my disability, a previous job layoff, or humbly starting my successful resiliency speaking biz. Do I pity myself? Do I think my life and career are too much? Do I retreat into an inner safe zone and not come out? Do I make my able-bodied wife, daughter and other loved ones help me unnecessarily?

Getting Back in the Game

No!!! I have rarely hung my head…I have dusted myself off and, to quote a famous Frank Sinatra lyric, “Got back in the game.” This is definitely easier said than done. The pain and heartache you may be going through with your own life challenges could be immense. “A distant connection of mine said he did not want to get out of bed anymore after enduring many, many months of trying to find a new job.

As I mentioned to him, if you are at that point, please see a professional to help guide you through. As I learned with my disability, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. My family and friends have helped me muster even more courage to make a difference and very humbly show the world my unique gifts and talents.

Stopping the Excuse “Merry-Go-Round”

All of us can make excuses, and I especially used the words “I can’t” a lot when I was growing up with a difference in a “normal” society. My parents, again, came to my aid saying, “Never use the words ‘I can’t’ despite the challenges you face every day.” I have never forgotten their words – although inevitably I fall off the “I can’t” bandwagon once in awhile. For you, please don’t worry about things that have happened. Nothing can change a lost relationship, lost job or in the less-than-resilient way you have felt about yourself in the past.

What you can control – and what have found so reassuring – is your resilient attitude to move on and use the values you were taught to overcome, really, anything. If I had let the challenges of my disability consume me, I would not have a very successful 25-year marriage or great career including a very successful resilience speaking business today. I am so gratified that more than 20,000 of you are reading my resiliency blog worldwide on a monthly basis. My family and business have helped allow me to stay resilient and keep believing in myself. I am so fortunate!!!

I have turned my disability into a lifelong, resilient learning experience for me in this sometimes unforgiving but wonderful world. Please view your own unique life circumstances as opportunities for you to do things a bit different and open the true potential of the next stage of your life. I found that I could do it, and I know you can be as fortunate and successfully continue your very rewarding resilient journey!

Take care until next week. Thanks, again, for your continued comments and terrific support as we share a few valued resilient minutes with each other…

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Go figure…

You just finished a fantastic job interview that could not have gone any better that day. Your friend also just completed a month-long work assignment feeling confident and refreshed. You both stop at the local pub and have a cool one to share the moment.

Managing Expectations

Your friend the next day meets with his executive team but doesn’t get the terrific response he thought. While he has attained “rock star” status at his company, his superiors tell him “nice job” on the project and “we come to expect such work from you.” He comes out of the meeting a bit mystified that a project potentially saving the company millions was treated so matter-of-factly.

You are just waiting for the company to call for the next interview, which it said for sure would happen in a couple of days. You write a very gracious “thank you” e-mail to the interviewers but nothing happens that day…the next day…or three weeks out even after politely e-mailing them a second time for an update. Then, finally they called back and said another candidate was a “better fit.” Your world comes crashing down…at least for the moment.

All of us have been in similar situations in life…been there, done that. From personal experience in both scenarios, the key for you and your friend is to truly know how to manage your expectations…

You were a great candidate. You had all the skills, experience and know-how to do the job wonderfully. The company’s culture, it seemed, fit you like a glove and the interviewers were very impressed by how you’ve handled job situations in the past. What could you have done differently or better? Absolutely Nothing!!!

I’ve heard this nebulous comment of being the “right fit” too often as I’ve talked with so many friends who are trying to find their next great work adventure. I’ve also been personally part of such interviews in the past, and it is like your gut is kicked several times with increasing intensity.

Your friend also was so use to hearing glowing accolades at work that the “what we come to expect” statement was just not on his/her radar screen. Your friend still did fabulous work but he has set the bar very high because of his past, exemplary work.

In both situations, there was nothing that could have been done any differently on you or your friend’s part. The impressions of the interviewers and superiors were in a sense remarkably the same. “Yes, we know you are very, very good but show me that X factor to get me to react differently.”

In the interview situation, you should have made it into the final group. Your friend should not have his wonderful work taken for granted. Unfortunately, in today’s society, companies never want to be wrong, so they have 10 interviews instead of the more than adequate one or two. Many companies in this economy also look at high performers as oranges waiting to be squeezed dry. They don’t realize that their reactions can prompt a supposedly valued worker to shut down and/or move on.

Because of these tight employment times, some companies will use their advantage to not have the proper personal resp;ect for employees or would-be employees. If we don’t understand these types of unfortunate and unnecessary realities, our expectations come at a sometimes unhealthy price for our mindsets.

Instead of leaving my friend hanging for weeks about the potential job, why couldn’t the company have simply answered his inquiries with a short note like: “We definitely enjoyed our conversation with you and the decision process is taking us longer than we thought. We will be in touch as soon as a decision is made.” Sure, they have a lot on their plates. A five second note, however, is definitely doable…

With your friend, his superiors could have easily said: “Another great job for the company and we appreciate your work.” Today’s economic meltdown should not mean a freeze in the way companies should treat any of us.

I will get off my “soap box” but the point is you cannot control the actions of others. You can control how you manage your own thought process and getting too concerned over the semantics of life. Yes, the companies in both circumstances should have responded differently. Yes, your friend should have received more recognition, and you should have been part of the next interview phase.

The economy is rough and so many good folks are desperately looking for their next paycheck or a little increased recognition by their present employer. I, however, suggest thinking about what I’ve mentioned before in my articles. The only thing you can truly control in your life is your attitude, values and ho you relate to people.

There’s no need to go down the “dark side” and let such incidents disrupt your confidence and belief – as I have sometimes travelled in the past. You are too good a person to let others unduly control your present and future happiness.

Please stay strong my friends. Until next time, take care!

by Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

All of us get discouraged once in awhile…it’s only human. A particular day might not be going well because you had a challenging conversation with your spouse, children, your boss or just that your bio-rhythms are a bit out of sync.

Because of my physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) I have to be very careful that my creaky body does not lead me to falling or otherwise “hurting” myself in some other way. This can become very discouraging if I don’t maintain my resilience. In a previous article, I mentioned my inner resiliency voice that has helped me pull through such discouraging life moments – such as smacking my head on a marble floor after a fall in front of work colleagues, or needing stitches after a similar spill many years ago.

While my challenges of walking may be more obvious, all of us must face our own unique discouraging moments – in work and in life – that we’d like to forget. The key in not staying discouraged for me is how I react to those moments. Do I pity myself and become more discouraged…no! Do I want to blame others or retreat into my inner-world…no! Do I dust myself off – whether it is a physical, life or work event – and contine striving for my best…absolutely yes!!! Of course, I may get discouraged once-in-awhile, but I rarely let it consume me where it affects the most important parts of my life – family, friends and believing in myself.

How do you deal with discouraging moments in your life and career? Do you too often let it affect all parts of your day thus perpetuating the discouragement into something less healthy? I truly hope not. If you do, then other parts of my day don’t seem to go as planned, and the discouragement and apprehensiveness will grow.

To minimize such tendencies, I began several years ago to become much more “compartmentalized.” If one part of my day did not go particularly well, I’d quite literally shut the door to that compartment for awhile and open another resilient door I am dealing with currently.

I found, of course,  it is  definitely easier said than done. I’m still not perfect at it, and sometimes a creaky door or two doesn’t firmly shut. But having this mindset allows me to have a life/career strategy that is more healthy and resilient for me. What are your strategies to stop dwelling on things sometimes out of your control?

What I’ve learned, which I suggest you think about, is don’t lump all your worries, challenges and discouraging thoughts into one overwhelming compartment, Instead, find ways to break up these moments into smaller, more manageable subsets that you can deal with individually and not as a collective whole.

I have a number of strengths and, of course, a few weaknesses along the way. One of my “learned” strengths is not trying to deal with all of my day’s challenges together… I’m not very good at dealing with “floods,” and my challenges can group together in a Hurricane Katrina deluge if I don’t stick to sorting them out individually.

I was laid off a number of months ago because of of our country’s economic perfect storm. Man, was I discouraged because this was a dream job and I was tagged as a “rock star” in the organization. Well, such rock stars and more than 1,000 others were let go – not because of performance – in the worst economic meltdown since the great Depression. While I’ve very happily landed on my feet in my successful resiliency speaking biz, the lay off happened at a time when I was not feeling great physically among other issues.

Instead of dwelling on things, you may want to think about what I did: I used my compartmentalization model to reassess what I truly wanted to do for the rest of my career and life at 49. I shut my physically-disabled door to focus on how I could re-craft my personal brand to truly make a living and a difference in this world. Sure, the discouragement of being let go was still there, but I looked at my strengths rather than the past to guide me in a way that increased my confidence, my belief in myself and, quite honestly, a renewed sense of liking who I was/am.

Such discouragement has now led me to a resiliency blog attracting more than 20,000 of you every month, resiliency speaking/webinar gigs to local and national audiences, and a sense that I have found my calling to help you – and me – get through the inevitable struggles of life.

My advice is don’t let discouraging moments overwhelm you. Try to find ways to separate those moments from the other terrific parts of your life. My very dear father died a number of years ago but I kept on -albeit more lonely. I also have been able to bounce back from – what seem like – hundreds of falls in life…

Never feel too discouraged. You bring a unique and marvelous perspective in this world, and you deserve to stay resilient no matter what life holds for you!

Thanks, again, for reading my award-nominated blog. I would feel discouraged without you! Until next week, my friends… Also, please let me know if you’d like me to write about other aspects of resiliency…you can make the difference!

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

The word “settle” is not one of my favorite words when it comes to my career – I hope it is the same way with you. As we successfully navigate through this challenging economy, many friends of mine have had to settle for a new job they may not have necessarily taken if times were better. Other friends have had to settle for a deteriorating work situation with cuts at their company by as much as 75 percent.

Don’t get me wrong: Folks need to do whatever it takes to stop or avoid collecting unemployment checks. But settling can open up an entirely different can of worms when it comes to your confidence, belief in yourself and your passion for the future. While I have had  my share of lay off challenges in the sometimes chaotic circumstances we call “life today,” I still have looked for positions that I could use my strengths as a communicator and writer.

This led me to thinking about how I could “control” my own destiny and starting up a career and life resiliency speaking/writing business. Humbly, it has been very successful because of my proven strengths as a writer, speaker and offering all of you a glimpse of myself – warts and all. While doing this, I also continued to look for corporate communications executive positions that might fit into my renewed resilient lifestyle. The right type of positions are now turning up now as the economy inches up towards at least being even again.

My dilemma is how should I incorporate my successful resiliency biz into my future goals. As I take the next step to a rewarding corporate communications position, I just don’t want to settle for that. I also want to incorporate my burgeoning resiliency business as a platform for me for the future.

I’ve been lucky enough to be acclaimed worldwide by many of you for my resiliency writing and speaking. This has afforded me options that I don’t necessarily want to give up as I land a new communications executive position. I’m still “noodling” about exactly the right mix and would love your advice. Please e-mail at beseke1@earthlink.net.

The lesson I suggest you ponder is what I’ve learned from many of my friends: Please don’t think you don’t have options – your skills and strengths have made you very successful so far. Find a way to take advantage of your situation whether you are employed or still looking for your next great work adventure.

Too often in the past I’ve sold myself short and taken what I could get. As I leave the back nine of my 40s this year, it is my time to look out what is best for me. What is truly best for you?

There’s no way you want to stay or accept a dead-end job, and spending the next few years lamenting how your skills are not being utilized to the fullest. As my resiliency example shows, you need to stick to your strengths, carve out your unique role and make a difference for the most important and terrific person in your life – You!

This belief has given me new life, direction and confidence over the last number of months, and I know you can have the same success. Please just believe that you are so much more special than you always think  - that is, as long as you BELIEVE!!! Then, you won’t have to settle for a life and career controlled by other folks’ agendas.

Taking a hold of your life and not settling also will have an amazing consequence. Folks at work and in your personal life will see your confidence as never before. Wow! See what not settling can do for you…

I truly appreciate your continued readership, and my blog is now reaching more than 10,000 great folks like you worldwide every month – and nearly 22,000 folks last week alone. Not settling for me has made such a difference and has given me the very humbling opportunity to offer my resiliency thoughts to you!

Until next week…take care and please use resiliency as a way to expand your unique and unlimited horizons.

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

As I post Part II of my “Resilient Mindset” series, there are many ways for all of us to continue being successful at work. Even when I was laid off, I needed think about the following principles as I was networking and finding my next great work adventure. Again, these are not meant as breakthrough ideas but common-sense strategies I’ve used to keep my sanity and “head above water” at work.

No strategy works every time, and I’ve suffered my share of setbacks along the way – as I mention further down in the article. It’s, however, how I’ve successfully dusted myself off that has helped me keep the resilient mindset through my 25+-year career as a corporate communications executive. How about you? After reading through this article, I suggest thinking about your approach at work and determine if you should change or enhance your resilient mindset. Thinking through this mindset might save you a lot of unneeded stress and work as you navigate through your career.

I discussed a number of work mindset issues in my first article last week – compromise, adaptability and knowing your strengths. I continue with understanding the need to give a little – on both sides…

Finding Common Ground: Sounds easy, doesn’t it? I mean your work team should have common goals and practices to implement what needs to get done. In my opinion, finding common ground is ultimately the most important aspect of having a successful team and working relationships – whether it is with your boss, colleagues or direct reports. To me, I define common ground as every team member being – at least generally – the same page with the company’s vision and values. Do your reports know what the goals of a project or company are? Do you? Does your supervisor? Any of these trigger points can break down the sense of accomplishment all of us need to feel to be happy and successful and continue to have the resilient mindset at work.

This sometimes takes a team and even a corporate culture shift where more necessary information is given out to keep folks from jumping to their own conclusions at work. This “jump” can lead to lost productivity, rumors and increased stress levels for you and your team.

I was talking a couple minutes ago about the recent lay off communications plan I developed. Before I had a chance to even write it, I had to convince superiors to be upfront to employees for the challenging going on at the company. They initially did not want any extra communications fearing employees would get too nervous. I won the “more is better” argument by showing them the failing of other companies that decided to keep information close the vest

Going that extra step to communicate just a bit more can ultimately increase team understanding, your specific resiliency and cause you less stress long-term. While layoffs happened, the company received very little criticism for not letting employees know what was going on. I found common ground for the employees and company’s benefit.

You probably have much better common ground examples in your work careers. I won’t ask you to voice them, but spend the next few minutes thinking about ways you could further promote common ground in your immediate and extended teams. Try to implement at least one of these strategies in the next week or month at work. You’ll be happier, more productive and resilient.

As all of you know, our work resiliency is being tested these days. One interesting statistic from a recent national survey:

- More than 50 percent of employees across the country are finding their workload has increased by as much as 75 percent in the last 18 months.

During these stormy economic days, many of us are just trying to keep our heads down and grind through the workday waiting for a better and resilient tomorrow.

I read an article recently about a couple of resilient strategies to ease our job worries. They have worked for me and may help you continue having a resilient mindset. They are:

- The surprising cure for job stress: Schedule one more weekly work meeting and communicate with your supervisor. The current daily avalanche of headlines about layoffs can give even rock-solid employees like you job jitters.

You can’t change what researchers call the “collective uncertainty about the future,” but you can book a meeting with your supervisor to discuss the company’s goals and define your role in achieving them. Research shows that clearly defined goals make workers happier and healthier.

- Then, begin exercising on a routine basis. You see, those who exercise perform better at work than sedentary people. One study looked at people under extreme stress and time constraints. It was clear those who took the time away from work to exercise regularly  – even 20 minutes a day – were better at attaining personal satisfaction, and significant improved their work productivity and resilience.

Why does that work? Even though I have a physical disability, I try to exercise at least 20 minutes a day – or about the same amount of time going your local coffee shop and buying a large cappuccino.

I am definitely not a preacher, but studies show physically active people process data faster, and they’re more likely to have less work stress or to handle it better than chair-bound types. Workouts help your mind relax, so it’s a better incubator for new ideas and solutions – at work and in life. As one study subject said, “Running gives me a body that performs better at everything that I must do during the day.” Even if your job is secure, why pass up the chance to be at the top of your game all day long?

So, in the next week, just try three things for your resilient, emotional and physical health:

1) Schedule a meeting with your supervisor and discuss priorities during these hard times.

2) Exercise at least 20 minutes every-other-day.

3) Smile as often as you can.

I virtually guarantee you will see very positive resilient mindset results positively helping your stress levels at work and in all facets of your life.

Setbacks:

No matter how successful or resilient we become in life, all of us must deal with life and career setbacks – great and small. Examples might include losing a job, ending a long-term personal relationship, losing a loved one, or being shut down by your boss after presenting “the next greatest idea” at work.

We cannot get around it: Sooner or later all of us will face an opportunity that tests our personal and professional resiliency. To successfully adapt to such “setback moments,” I have learned we must show some patience and understanding – in ourselves.

I mentioned my life-long physical disability a little earlier. A couple years ago, I woke up in an emergency room. I had fallen and smacked my head on an unforgiving marble floor at a work conference. My head did not like it at all. As I regained my composure and was taken to the hospital, my first thought was to again blame my “setback” of having a physical disability.

Then, as it has for as long as I remember, my little resiliency inner voice took over as I was recovering with a couple of my valued work colleagues at my side. It reminded me that my entirely life and career has been about resiliency and adapting to circumstances sometimes out of my control – at work and in life I knew this in the emergency room: I was not going to let my disability stop me from my independence of walking and living life however I saw fit.

After a few tests, the doctors said I was O.K. to go home. I was fortunate that my life and public profile was not affected except for a few short-term bruises.

I don’t highlight my particular life example to tap into your empathy. I tell you this little life vignette to highlight that we all are dealt certain cards in work and in life. The key I have found to transition me very successfully through such personal and work challenges is my resiliency and adaptability to get past any of these life bumps – no matter how significant.

Whatever you work or life setbacks, I suggest using your resilient mindset to overcome the obstacles that you may think are unachievable..

If you are going through a work setback right now – large or small – I’d suggest you think about the following grief stages and face what I did. When you shed all the layers away, I found that life is very special and we cannot worry about things out of your control.

Here are Dr. Kubler-Ross’ grief stages that has helped me recover my confidence my confidence and resiliency.

They are:

Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)

Anger (why is this happening to me?)

Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)

Depression (I don’t care anymore)

Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)

As I’ve mentioned before, our work life is full of ups and downs. How we react to work challenges will determine the scope – and for how long – it will take to recover. Once I realized this and faced up to the grief stages, I recovered faster from my personal physical setback that happened to me at work.

Now it is your turn. Please use my lesson the next time the door shuts for you – or you have your own work/life setbacks.

Additionally, other resilient important techniques to help stop you from grasping for breathe or waiting for the next crisis to hit is:

Stop worrying about things out of your control… To stay happy, productive and in the present at work,  one thing all of us should manage more carefully is our expectations about controlling situations. Do you have ultimate control over how your supervisor reacts a project you’ve completed. Can you control how your reports manage their time. Do you have control how you react to these two situations. The answer to the first two questions is probably “not ultimate control. But you should be able to answer the third question with an unequivocal “yes.

As I mentioned earlier, all of us as managers want to feel great about our work and have a sense of accomplishment without feeling like you are gasping for breath or waiting for the next crisis to hit.” But many times we derail our sense of accomplishment because we worry about the events out of our control. For me, there are only three things you can totally control in your work or personal lives. That is, our attitude, values and how we relate to people. How I am thinking about myself, my work, my life, my family and my friends? As managers, part of our role is to be in control of situations. But you need to understand that nearly 95 percent of the projects or people you work with are only partially controllable by you. So you need to understand those areas that you can control and don’t get worked up about the things you can’t.

I mentioned the example of the CEO speech earlier. Well, just a day earlier, he thought the original speech was what he wanted to go with. But then, as if I were in the Twilight Zone, a few hours later, he wanted a different focus. Could I control his change of opinion…no! But I could control how I reacted to him, and how I re-crafted the speech. If I let the “process” consume me, I could have never wrote what turned out to be an award-nominated speech. In the final analysis, there is not much in our control except your attitude

The point is: If you let your attitude slip, life and work can really spiral downwards.

For reflection, please taker a few moments and write down a recent time where you worried about things at work out of your true control. How did it affect your attitude, your day, and your productivity in the short term? I’d love for you’ll to share an example from a past job…. How is your attitude affecting you today at work? How is it affecting your colleagues and reports? What is your style in relating to folks at work? Should you be more adaptive, compromising or trying to find more common ground?

I’d also suggest thinking for a couple minutes about how you can take charge of your attitude even with the real control challenges many of us have day-to-day.

For me, not dwelling on the things I can’t control has made a tremendous different in my attitude and how I relate to people. One more short vignette: Early in my career, a mentor counseled me that your attitude is one of the most important things people remember and cause you the most stress on an every day basis.

Man, I thought about this advice for a couple months while I was still getting youthfully mad on a whole variety of issues. Then, his advice hit me kicked in after a city council member – those government folks – denied additional funding for a project her constituents wanted.  My new resilient, adaptive mode grew from there and focused on the things I could control. That’s how I evolved into the consensus-building model I use today. My attitude changed about 180 degrees…

To help with “control,” I suggest you should always remember the three Ps – perseverance, persistence and patience.

Perseverance

What can any of us do to reduce work stress? Your performance is great but your company is asking more of you offering less resources.

Persevere, again, means understanding what you can control and understanding what you do best…

Now, all of you are employed and thank goodness. I wasn’t so lucky a few months back. After I was laid off from by dream job because of this economy I mentioned in a previous article, I looked at what was in my control and how I could persevere during these rough times. I knew I had three things I could control – my attitude, my values and the way I relate to people.

While searching for a full-time gig, I also developed a personal business plan, looked hard at my personal brand and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself about what I wanted to do for the rest of my career.

Well, this perseverance led me to resiliency, an award-nominated blog and establishing a business where I could speak at organizations like this, develop resiliency materials for those in need and stay healthy in my day-to-day activities. It’s been a true blessing…

The lesson I learned – and one you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a professional setback at work. Look at yourself hard and determine what makes you happy in your job. Write those down and look at them once in awhile as you come out of your boss’s office perplexed on the decision that was made.  If those statements  still hold true, you are still on the right course. If not, you should look at how your reactions and decisions will allow you to persevere and maintain “work happiness” as you see it.

Don’t just settle because then you may be going through the same challenges in future time. Persevere and understand the fantastic skills and qualities you offer everyday!

Persistence

That great idea you’ve had that no one seems to hear or understand. It could have the company thousands of dollars, or make employees understand the company better. But no one seems to listen and your idea floats in oblivion. And you just don’t have enough energy or will to pursue it any longer. Been there, done that…

But just think about… those innovators throughout history.

I hope this does not happen to you:  After the 30th rejection letter, or having a company choose someone else after seven separate interviews from the CEO to the janitor on duty, I’ve had friends and colleagues say, “I am just going to give up.” This is when you must persist and learn how to promote yourself in an even better way.

I hate to promote myself. My dad was a car dealer, and I wish I had his out-going personality and ability to convince folks to close the deal. I’ve always struggled with this, and have tried to let my work do the talking for me. Unfortunately, in these times, you need to show folks why there can’t be a better candidate than you.

That’s why I think understanding and believing in your personal brand is absolutely a key to your future success. When I first re-crafted my “brand,” I thought I’d never come up with something that was truly me. But I persisted and gave myself enough time where I did not feel pressured to write something in five minutes. I persisted and diligently wrote down all my strengths and the types of work I like to do. I also did the same with my weaknesses and the activities I don’t like to do.

This gave my a framework where I was able to write down “my future.” It was not easy and it took significant time but I got it done and now I understand what I want to do for the last 15 years of my career. My persistence led to talking about resiliency and opening up about my disability experiences. Most of all, it gave me the inner confidence to offer my common-sense messages to assist you and other great folks worldwide. Being persistent can be magical…

Patience

You’ve just been laid off and wonder where the money will come from to pay the bills, keep your house and pay for your son’s birthday party coming up soon. In these circumstances, being patient to find your next great job is very hard. I’ve been there and my friends have been there. There’s nothing fun about it and you just want to hurry to find a job that pays for life.

For me, I found that I needed to step back for a moment and don’t hurry into something that I may regret. At least for the short term, I stayed patient and tried to understand what my next step should be. If you have access to unemployment insurance, you nest egg or money in your overall family, that’s great. If you don’t, you may want to consider consulting or some other type of part-time role to get you by for at least little while. This type of patience helped me as I found what I wanted to do – and the next great job in my life.

All of us can react wonderfully to favorable times in our lives. Our true grit is shown in how we deal with the professional and personal challenges all of us sometimes face. I suggest you think of the three Ps the next time you face one of those possible life-changing events in your life. Please don’t stay knocked down for long…see your true and fabulous potential.

Control: What life and career actions are totally within your control? For me, being called a work “rock star” and “essential” gave me some belief that I could ride out the layoff wave. Yet, I was still laid off. Nearly all of us think we are in control of more things than we are. My mother has worked at the same company for nearly 63 years. She is a beloved institution at her company and continues to thrive every day. The rest of us can expect 10 jobs over our career – not because we like to move around or our performance is deficient. The great company you work for today may not be in control of their fate tomorrow.

So, why worry about things out of your control? A psychologist I had coffee with told me “it’s being human.” Sounds justifiable in the abstract, but that does not pay the mortgage, keep your solid relationships intact, or make you feel a whole lot better.

Next time you have a low-confidence moment, just think about the three life actions totally within your control – your attitude, your values and how you interact with people. Find ways to use these three to see what is important for your life – your family, your friends and yourself.

I’d like to end my resiliency mindset discussion in talking about the most important person in your work life – yes, You.

To stay resilient at work, I’d suggest

Tapping into your vision of yourself, know what gives you satisfaction, and bring those into your current job or life situation.

The inner game. Recognize what makes you happy. Setting aside what you “should” like, think about what you “do” like. Everyone is different in what kind of tasks they like to do, how much structure they prefer, and how much they want to interact with others. Think about the type of company you’d like to work in — its size, culture and mission.

To truly understand and adapt your personal brand, you need to understand how you feel. When I was young, I did not want to discuss my disability and rarely asked for any help – even if needed. As I indicated above, I wanted to be seen as a normal person in a “normal” world. Can you blame me? Unfortunately, others do not always understand any difference a person has.

Folks always thought I needed doors opened for me or I was in severe pain when I walked. As a person in my 20s and 30s, and wanted to be seen like anybody else. So, my personal brand revolved around proving and acting as normal as I could be. I purposely became skilled at sports, lettered in high school athletics and became nearly a “scratch” golfer. While I was no Arnold Palmer or Tiger Woods, my personal brand was all about this normalcy.

- Assess your current situation at work and how you personal brand fits into it. Review the amount of structure you have, the tasks you do, the people you work with and the organization you work for. How well does it fit with your ideal? Think about what you’d want to change in a new position. Look at your career progression, focusing on aspects that brought you enjoyment along the way. Consider ways in which your job has changed or how your personal brand has grown. Be clear about the parts that fit, too; it’s important to focus on the resilient positives.

- Look at the big picture. Are you satisfied with your life? Don’t leave anything out — consider family, friends, health, spirituality and hobbies. If you aren’t happy in the rest of your life, it’ll be harder to boost your energy at work.

The outer game. Build on the outer positives and your inner-resiliency. Consciously savor the aspects of work and life situations you like. Look for ways to bring back parts of your past jobs that were engaging. For example, you may miss doing hands-on analysis now that you’re in a management role. Without overdoing it, get a little closer to the work your team does.

As far as your career, I’d recommend watching your preferences. If you prefer individual work but spend a lot of time in teams, negotiate ways to have more independent work time. You may have more options than you first perceive, but you’ll need to ask for what you want. And vise-versa…

Stretch. Once you’ve mastered your job, it can feel stagnant. Find ways to grow. Take on special projects, or get to know people in other parts of the organization. Steps like these could lead to a new role. Think about your ideal job, and integrate aspects of that into the job you have now.

Having a mindset about work resilience is not a science. There’s no ultimate five-step guide to work resilience. But navigating your every day work challenges gives you the opportunity to show your strengths and demonstrate your successful work resilience for your company and yes, Yourself!

Managing your workload everyday requires your creative skills in avoiding job burn out and developing the proper mindset in dealing with difficult customers, colleagues and supervisors. At the same time, your work success depends on taking exhausting and chaotic events in stride and ultimately showing the terrific, resilient person that you are.

Please let me know what you think. I look forward to our continued conversation next week!

Early in his successful presidential run, Barack Obama mentioned he used a resilient mindset in keeping on track, staying focused, understanding how other people see him and staying emotionally healthy. Wow! In times of struggle for all of us, the lesson I learned from the President is the need to look hard at your resilient self and understand the needs you want achieved.

Whether you are looking for work or are employed but maxed out, all of us should adopt or fine-tune our own resilient mindset that can keep us from going nuts! The next two articles I write – Part 1 and II – will highlight  the resilient mindset concept for those of you who are still employed. The challenges you face can be very daunting: Ever-increasing budget cuts, workload expectations going through the ceiling panels, working more with a lot less and, yes, the notion that layoffs are not over yet to name a few.

As you look at your work resilience, you may want to mull through the following questions you may face every day:

Do you deal difficult customers, colleagues or supervisors? Are you involved in chaotic or exhausting work events? Does it seem like you have to solve the challenges and problems of your direct reports even before your first cup of coffee every morning?  Are you asked to solve work issues assigned by your boss that seem overwhelming or unsolvable? Do you find that you are becoming less resilient to taking sometime challenging  work events in stride?

If you’ve said “yes” to any of these, don’t feel alone. A recent national survey of employees found that 78 percent of them said “yes” to at least one of these questions. More than 50 percent said “yes” to all of them…

Are you surprised? I wasn’t. I have spent the last 25 years successfully (or mostly successfully) stamping out the fires that probably keep you up at nights. Some of my fun has included:

- The last second “request” by the CEO to totally rewrite his approved upcoming speech – and do it in the next hour for his plane ride review…

- The direct report who was to present a white paper at a conference but accidentally deleted the presentation 15 minutes before his presentation – the IT guys had fun with that one.

- Staying up all night to meet a project deadline that unknowingly that day had been pushed back two weeks. My AA was busy planning a luncheon celebration and never gave me the message…

A few times I have been “knocked down” trying to navigate through the turbulent currents we call “the office.” But most of my work life has not been on the “darkside” but trying to stay within a healthy resilient mindset.  I’ve been successful at overcoming most of the work obstacles that many of us face everyday – and ride the resilient wave helping solve a myriad of work issues because of a few strategies I’ve learned along the way.

I use the phrase “resilient mindset,” which I define as deal ing effectively with all aspects of your work life, including challenging customers, colleagues or possibly being nervous that this challenging economy might affect your job. This also means springing back from adversity to take pleasure in the quiet moments with your spouse, significant person, children, friends or yourself – and even realizing that work/life balance is more than just a concept on a corporation’s blotter.

To keep your work resilience at a healthy level, I have found the art of workplace compromise, adaptability, finding common ground, and understanding my strengths and weaknesses very important.

Compromise: At least in American culture, the word “compromise” is not always seen in the best of light in the workplace Typically, many of us are brought up to stick to our beliefs and not give in unless absolutely necessary. Well, in your job and career, this narrowly-defined attitude can spell ultimate failure. There was a study that showed that not being able to compromise was one of the top reasons work relationships fail.

For me, compromise does not mean always giving in to the eccentricities or demands of your co-workers – or even your boss. It’s giving a little on both sides to find a common middle. That approved CEO speech I mentioned earlier is a good example of how I used the art of compromise to my fullest advantage. Instead of shuddering at the timeframe for writing the “new speech,” I talked with the CEO and gave him a number of concrete reasons why the new timeframe would not make him look good.

You can recite what is good for the company but try highlighting what is best for the person. None of us, even CEOs, want to come across as unprepared. I received an extra 90 minutes to re-craft the speech…it truly made the difference. Humbly speaking the CEO received a standing ovation after his speech.

A non-work compromise example that can be applied to work happened to me recently. After five years, my 14-year-old daughter was apparently not that interested in the flute any longer I thought she should just give up playing an instrument. My wife, however, took the long view and said that playing an instrument could continue to teach our daughter commitment, resilience and teamwork.

After many days of discussion, I began to believe my wife was right but that our daughter had to continue playing the flute instead of the sax.  We compromised on the solution – it took another month to convince our daughter about the positives of playing the flute rather than the challenges and expense of trying a new instrument at her age.

The workplace point: Sometimes your co-workers or other colleagues are right on about the implementation of a project. I suggest not letting status and (yes) egos get in the way of a great idea. A senior manager once told me he received the best advice over lunch when he sat down by one of the hourly workers.

The manager struck up a conversation with the worker about the new work/life balance plan of the company he was presenting to the entire company the following week in the afternoon. The worker was interested but asked how will it be communicated to his friends on the “grave yard” shift. The manager said they would have to attend the presentation or call-in.

The worker said presenting info about work/life balance policies is great for those on the right shifts, but the presentation for other might be a burden with families, sleep, etc. The light bulb went off and the senior manager added presentations at the times convenient for the shift workers. It meant a bit more time for him but ultimately was seen as very proactive in getting the message successfully out.

The manager compromised – not because of superiors – but because he listened to a typical employee. He could have stuck to his original schedule but compromised for the good of employees. It ultimately caused him less stress because he did not have to go back and “fix” something out-of-whack.

What ways you could “compromise” with a superior, co-worker or direct report that might make your day and week go smoother. Not everything needs to go your way, and the skill of compromising in some situations can be seen as a very positive career enhancer and part of your work resilience.

Adaptability: We have all learned to adapt in our lives one way or another – whether at work or personally. Personally, I’ve had to adapt to a life-long disability known as Cerebral Palsy, which has at least initially affected perceptions of me at work.

The old saying, “Never judge a book by its cover” definitely applies in my case and possibly many colleagues you deal with every day. Sometimes these perceptions get in the way that might affect you or your team’s productivity at work. Such unfounded perceptions can cause you stress and may make you pop a few antacids during the day.

Don’t worry that a person may be of a different generation, different gender, different belief or – like me – a bit different physically.

I suggest leaving all that at the door and judge folks on their work and how they get along with you. Sounds easy, but I know perceptions can become reality if you are not careful.

Very early in my career (I am now 49) a supervisor was so caught up with my disability, he would go down to the lunch room to get me something to eat, never schedule a meeting if it was not a short distance away from my cube, etc., etc. He was under the mistaken impression that I could not do normal activities. He later said he thought I was in pain when I walked.

Disconnect to the max. He assumed something that he never asked me about and adapted much of his free work time “to help me.” Finally, I sat him down to let him know I never need help unless I ask for it. He was shocked I walked around the State Fair, lettered in tennis and golf in high school, etc. When I told him this, he was effectively released from having to adapt a lot of his day to make my work day better – this, of course, was before the Americans with Disability Act was enacted in 1988.

The workplace point: My personal example may be on the extreme side, but you need to be successfully adaptive in your work style with others. I suggest never assuming someone can ‘t do something or only has a certain skill set without asking or observing the person first.

Please think about two adaptability and compromise moments at work that relieved your stress in the past, or ones you would have like to have done differently.

Knowing Your Strengths – and Weaknesses. Now let’s talk about how your resilient mindset plays into strengths and, yes, our weaknesses. All of us have tremendous personal and professional strengths – and, of course, a few weaknesses along the way.

As we talk through this section, please think about ways you use your tremendous strengths to be a great person, employee and supervisor. When doing this, then think about the ways your perceived weaknesses sometimes mask the best that you are. As employees, all of us want to feel great about our work and have a sense of accomplishment without feeling like you are gasping for breath or waiting for the next crisis to hit.

While we need to understand our weaknesses, I contend (for our health, happiness and well-being) we should focus on what we do well in at work, instead of always dwelling on the things we don’t do so well. It’s definitely easier said than done. I know I could list work weaknesses easier than writing down the same amount of strengths. Studies show that our strength/weakness thought process is just the way our brains are connected and how societal norms prompt us to view ourselves.

In your job, though, I have found my greatest success when I am totally focus on what I do best. I know that is easier said than done because you don’t always get accolades on your strengths at work. Rather, some corporate cultures rate you more on your possible missteps. I m usually a very laid-back consensus-builder type of guy at work, and I am not at my best when I step out of character – being too inflexible and stubborn. I definitely can exhibit all these sometimes-perceived weaknesses but my strength is being the compassionate, team guy in most work situations.

Knowing my particular strengths have helped successfully stay on the same resilient page. When I recently was asked to create a layoff communications plans that would affect so many of my work friends – and ultimately me -the first draft was not “hard enough.” I’m not good at being hard.

I took the critique by upper management, and used my strengths of adaptability to craft a more direct yet sensitive communications plan that was implemented. The point: Unless you lack some core skills, I suggest not worrying as much your weaknesses. Spend at least 80 percent of the time demonstrating your strengths to your work world. You’ll feel happier and a lot better of yourself, while showing what you do best. Your work hired you for your strengths – showing them every day will keep you healthy.

A study has show that workers can improve their strengths by up to 30 percent. If they use the same amount of time to improve their weaknesses, they can only get less than a 10 percent improvement rate. If we have a glaring weakness, that is a different story but…focus on your strengths, my friends.

In Part II of this article next week, I will talk about finding common ground, dealing with work setbacks and enjoying your time at work – where you may spend more than one-third of your working years in life.

Your comments have been very inspiring! Thanks for linking to my resiliency site, and I will talk with you again next week!

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

With all of Tiger Woods golfing prowess, he credits his father for teaching that talent, effort and sometime brilliance can only take a person so far in life. His father told him the most important part in any life equation is “believing in yourself.” Tiger has said – like any of us – the belief in himself has not always been there for him 100 percent of the time.

As a person who was recently laid off from my dream job and is now successfully starting a resiliency speaking and writing business, I find this very encouraging. Tiger has been so successful yet his mind can also play a number with him…

As all of us struggle through this economic mess worldwide, your self-belief can make the total difference between pulling the sheets over your head in the morning, or believing that your talent and creativity will help keep/find the job you may be worried about right now.

There are many external factors – like being laid off – that can puncture a hole in your belief. There, however, is only one way you can control how others see you – by showing the resilience and strong spirit that allows you to successfully navigate through these chaotic times.

I admit that sometimes I am an idealist. I, for one, have had moments in my life where my belief in myself is nearly non-existent. The only way I can move forward from these moments is focusing my energies on my strengths, understanding my will to succeed, stop sweating the small stuff, and allowing myself to stretch and, yes, sometimes fail. Believing in yourself can be unimaginably hard and none of us can be a “rock” all the time. If you understand that you might fail once in awhile, the belief will give you the strength to overcome whatever you want changed in your life.

Stretching: Stretching yourself can mean many things in your personal or professional life. For me, personally, it is believing that I will be able to walk my whole life. This, despite my life-long physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) that is making me a bit more fragile as I celebrate  being 50 this year. As I sometimes literally fall, I must keep believing that walking without some type of aid is still possible long term. Friends and family think this is a bit of a stretch – even though they have my very best interests in their heart. But if I don’t keep believing in myself, I am likely to see my walking independence reduced or eliminated as I age.

While there is nothing wrong with aids, my belief has stubbornly kept me walking without a cane or even a wheelchair. I look for ways to adapt and keep myself from teeter-tottering unnecessarily.

While I still have my falls and visit the pavement, I give you this personal example to offer a moment for you to reflect: How are you doing maintain your belief in yourself? What ways will you use keep believing even if you encounter a few bumps in the road?

No More Sweats: I recently heard anecdotal information that nearly everyone in a workplace could be at least 20 percent more efficient if they would avoid sweating the small stuff typically out of a person’s control. Such things like the challenging habits of a co-worker, the company policies that only give lip service to real work/life balance, or the boss that spends more time worrying about image rather than substance.

Most all of us have been in these situations, and they can truly derail the belief in your resilient self. Instead of spending more time developing your strengths, you might be spending 20 percent dealing with such “small things” that you can’t ultimately control anyway.

You can’t avoid such nonsense totally – especially at work – but you can minimize your time/reaction by not using unnecessary to try to change them. The boss I had many years ago who was more style than substance could not be changed. Yet, I spent time trying to find ways to wake him up or at least move him closer to center. I had no luck on all counts but this effort hurt the perception of myself because I truly believed I could make it right.

Will: You have to want to believe in yourself. I have met many good folks that don’t understand their strengths, their personal and professional contributions, or just how resilient they are in life. I’m sure you have met a few folks like this, too.

Any of us can point to circumstances and say, “This is the reason I don’t have self-confidence moving forward.” I say to those folks that they need to step back, reassess the positives they bring to this world and have the will to successfully deal with the great days as well as the ones that don’t go quite as well. I contend that your will should not be used as a way to get the next next big thing – 100 inch big-screen TV or that supped-up sports car that has “You” written all over it.

I think you need to reign in the will a bit and focus on using your immense talents to “believe” – believe in yourself, believe in your resilient attitude and, most importantly, believe that you have the opportunity to make this world  a much better place with your presence. How will you use your will to believe in yourself?

Tiger and all of us can serve ourselves more resiliently if we could consistently remember a slightly altered Martin Luther King phrase, “Believe at last, believe at last and, most importantly,  believe at last!”

Thanks, again, for visiting my resiliency site and reading this article. Please just let me know if you have any comments or you’d like me to focus on additional resiliency topics. Take Care…

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

As all of us withstand the body blows of today’s challenging world, more than just a job, house or relationship has been possibly lost in successfully lasting through the 15^th round.  In many cases, our confidence, self-esteem and appreciation for ourselves have also taken a severe hit as we weather the economic storm.

It can be very difficult to worry about confidence or self-esteem as fantastic folks like us try to find their next great work adventure, or hang on through the next round of layoffs. While the economic outlook looks a bit brighter these days, I have talked to many friends who do not always appreciate the special person they are.

I’ve been there and done that. Even when my life is going on all cylinders, I still sometimes have challenges with my confidence. Sure, I’ve done nine out of 10 things very well, but what about the one I did not. I can dwell on that one. Instead of building on my “wins,” I wonder why I could not have had one more success.

As you may have experienced, thinking about the “one that got away” can consume your thoughts and make you less confident and efficient moving forward. Then, add potential layoffs, underemployment or other life challenges. They can truly play with your mind…

If there is one thing I’ve learned through my layoff and successfully starting my own business this year is I cannot forget to take care of myself emotionally and mentally during the transition. You also need to take care of the most important person in your life – YOU!

Here what I’ve learned:

A Bit of a Stretch: Most of us understand we need to exercise to keep our body and weight within our control. Because of my physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), I’ve also learned that a stretching routine each morning helps stop my creaky body from feeling like a rusty door hinge.

What I found after my layoff is I have to treat my mind in somewhat the same way. I had to develop a “stretching routine” that kept me emotionally ready to withstand any challenges of starting a new business and other bumps along the way.

I developed the SEAC (pronounced SEEK) method, and it has helped me a great deal. SEAC stands for Self-Esteem, Appreciation and Confidence. Each morning, I spend no more than 20 minutes – the same as my exercise routine – to “exercise” my psyche a bit. I find actions I have taken – most likely from the previous day – that help me appreciate myself and how I can seek to maintain my confidence and esteem.

SEACing Resilience: Admittedly, some days are harder than others to find those resilient trigger points. I, however, look at my whole life – not just my professional life. While SEAC may be about work, it could be that I had a resilient conversation with my 14-year-old daughter, which can be one of those amazing and wondering things. (Dealing successfully with teenagers is whole separate article for another time.) Or, it could be I was able to help a colleague or friend through his or her own challenging professional or person moment.

My point is you need to find something in your life that keeps showing the terrific person you are known for every day. Your actions tell a resilient story, and SEAC may help show them – to yourself!

Appreciate, Appreciate, Appreciate: A friend of mine forwarded me a memorable quote recently from life solutions expert Mary Manin Morrissey that sums up SEAC very well. It goes:

“Appreciate yourself. The next time someone pays you a compliment, don’t shrug it off or put yourself down. When we push away acknowledgment of our divine selves, we can’t amplify the good that is trying to move through our lives. We can be humble and still accept praise. Accept that others are seeing the true being within you. Take pleasure that others recognize your true identity. And give the gift of a compliment to someone else.”

Next time you want to stay in bed because of challenging moments, your son/daughter has one of those teenage moments, you forgot to say “I Love You” to your spouse, or you don’t see the goodness of you, please remember: SEAC ways to find how your special talents make a difference to you and so many others in your orbit.

Look forward to talking with you again next week! Please e-mail me if you anything to add, or would like me to cover additional resiliency topics.

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Thanks to everyone who has responded privately about additional topics they’d like me to write about or emphasize further.

One of the requests is to further explain the concept of grieving. This may be because of a job loss, a significant personal relationship has ended in your life, not having enough quality time for yourself, or just getting fed up with the direction your career and life is turning.

It was that iconic cartoon character Charlie Brown who spoke the famous phrase, “Good Grief!” He was always lamenting how he could not kick the football that Lucy would snatch away at the last moment, or why no one would invite him to the Valentine’s Day Party, or why none of his “friends” wanted him around – even his famous dog Snoopy.

In his mind, there was nothing good about his grief, and he never seemed to know how to handle it effectively. Well usually, he was eventually invited to the party and Snoopy needed his daily supply of bones.

In real life, however, dealing with grief doesn’t always end up working out well unless you can get through those grief stages (by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross) I’ve mentioned before:

- Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)

- Anger (why is this happening to me?)

- Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)

- Depression (I don’t care anymore)

- Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)A

So many good folks like you and me generally start to “spin” in the anger and depression stages and these are what I’m going to discuss today.

Anyone who has told you that their life is completely happy with very little stress or grief is fibbing probably a lot. All of us have grieving moments in the past that we’d wish we could forget. Because the U.S. unemployment rate is pushing towards 10 percent (or more than 6 million good folks like you and me), many of our friends are in the midst of one those grief stages I mentioned above.

With personal experience of being laid off from my dream job, the anger and depression stages seem to eat you up and not let you go. Why is that? So much of our self-worth, confidence in ourselves and (yes) even social standing is wrapped up in what we do for a living. You don’t have to be an owner of a company like me to understand that people sublimely judge you on the type of work that you do. When you meet strangers, what is usually an initial question they ask: “So what do you do for a living?”

When you are temporarily out of work, what do you say? A friend of mine said that this the hardest moment of searching for his next great work adventure. It also feeds the anger and depression all of us feel when something is taken away from us no matter how great you were at your job.

If you don’t get through the anger and/or depression stages, it makes a person’s life infinitely more challenging and mind-numbing. In fact, a lesser-known grief model hits the nail on the head:

The stages are:

- Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)

- Reorganization (re-entry into a more ‘normal’ social life.)

- Relief (Where you want to be…)

So what do we do?

Nearly all of us realize that we will find the right job at some point – hopefully in the near future. But many great folks I know have been looking for more than a year. Thus, the anger, depression and stress keep building…

A few ways to avoid spinning continuously in the anger and depression modes are finding your circle of support, staying motivated and be proactive in networking. While I still had my moments of anger these three activities kept me resilient during very challenging times. Just think about:

Recovering Gracefully

There is definitely a recovery period after a job, relationship or any other significant loss in your life. And the recovery period may last longer than you think or hope. Feelings of anger or depression also may last for longer than you expect. Give yourself time to grieve the loss, and express your feelings in healthy ways so they will pass more quickly.

Writing this blog was one way I developed a very healthy and fulfilling way to stay healthy and have the right perspective. Try to do something fun in your life, instead of just trying to plug your way through the pain.

Finding Your Personal Support

The day I was laid off, I also started networking to find both a new full-time job and some contract work so I could pay my immediate bills. But the process can be daunting. It’s very important to have a support system–friends or family members who can motivate you to jump back on the horse. My wife, daughter and mother were absolutely critical in keeping my confidence high as I began a new speaking and writing business about resiliency.

Staying Motivated

Keeping grounded is key. Meeting with colleagues and friends helps me to deal with a lot of stress.  They show me that I am not the only one going through such stress – even though sometimes it feels that way.

Volunteering, formal classes, and exercising at the gym also are excellent ways to build structure into your days–and may provide that important lead to the next job. I volunteer with my local communications association, am a member of a local governmental board, and serve as president of my neighborhood association. Each provides an outlet for my talents and gives me the opportunity to network with so many folks.

Networking

I have always advocated networking-that’s how I found my last two full-time jobs and all of my contract work. I’ve written a lot about networking on my blog and encourage you to read my networking article I wrote several months ago. Eight out of ten job – probably more – are found through talking to friends, colleagues and new contacts. I am an introvert and have a physical disability – Cerebral Palsy. If I can network successfully, you can, too.

Find such ways to work through your grief, and I promise you your life will be more fulfilled, and you’ll be able to move on to your next great adventure!

Talk with you next week. It’s very gratifying and humbling that I am resonating with so many great folks like you worldwide!

So many of my friends and colleagues continue to suffer through this seemingly endless economic malaise. Whether it is being laid off, not finding (any) new great work adventure, having work hours reduced or having personal relationships take a skid, most of us have seen some part of our lives take  a hit as the economy finally begins its slow road to recovery.

I was laid off earlier this year from my dream job, and naturally I internalized some of the blame even though it was not my fault at all. Nearly 1500 of my co-workers also have received the pink slip over the last year. Each of them have probably had the same fault thoughts as they recover.

Three strategies that have helped me through to my next great adventure are not anything revolutionary. They are truly common-sense techniques that all of us possess, but some of us don’t use effectively. They are: Do not dwell on actions out of your control, use your network to seizer control of your career, and find ways to still have fun in life.

Like you, I am not a perfect person. Sometimes these techniques have gone out the window if I did not get a job I wanted, my daughter has had one of her teenage moments, or after I talk with a friend who is not handing life well.

But, overall, these strategies have truly kept me in the present without unduly worrying about the past or the future. They also can do the same for you!

For me: I was lucky to have parents who instilled these beliefs in me when I was young. Being resilient in today’s economy pales in comparison to life issues I have experienced in the past. As a person with a life-long physical disability (Cerebral Palsy or CP), I have literally fallen and hurt myself hundreds of times in my life. (Among other things, CP affects balance and walking.)

For my whole life, I’ve had to deal with things out of my control, nurture the support of my family and friends, find fantastic ways to stay resilient and still have fun. You, of course, have your own life challenges and my experiences might seem meager to what you have had to endure.

The point is finding control, accessing your network and continue having a bit of fun helps keep all of us from going nuts as we continue to hear that the economy and employment won’t truly hit their recovery stride until sometimes next year.

Control: What life and career actions are totally within your control? For me, being called a work “rock star” and “essential” gave me some belief that I could ride out the layoff wave. Yet, I was still laid off. Nearly all of us think we are in control of more things than we are. My mother has worked at the same company for nearly 63 years. She is a beloved instution at her company and continues to thrive every day. The rest of us can expect 10 jobs over our career – not because we like to move around or our performance is deficient. The great company you work for today may not be in control of their fate tomorrow.

So, why worry about things out of your control? A psychologist I had coffee with told me “it’s being human.” Sounds justifiable in the abstract, but that does not pay the mortgage, keep your solid relationships intact, or make you feel a whole lot better.

Next time you have a low-confidence moment, just think about the three life actions totally within your control – your attitude, your values and how you interact with people. Find ways to use these three to see what is important for your life – your family, your friends and yourself.

Network: All of us have our people “network” in addition to our close circle of family and friends. Most of us don’t use it as effectively as we could for various reasons. The most common is not knowing where to start.

In a previous article, I discussed my networking tips, which I will highlight for you again. If these work for me – being an introvert and physically challenged – they can most likely assist you in becoming better known in promoting your career needs.

Networking sounds hard, but it can be fairly straight-forward if you follow a few simple techniques. They can allow you  to successfully network with anyone.

When setting up a coffee or lunch, remember to access anyone that you know – from your previous jobs, the associations you belong and all your social media connections. The last two wonderful jobs I landed were directly accessed through my network.

Here’s the “skinny”:

1. Never ask them for a job, but provide them with a statement of the work you are looking for and a resume they can look through. If they have something, you’ll hear about the position. Networking, initially, is to get to know the person so they remember you when a position crosses their desk or they see something over the Internet.

2. While not asking for a job, you must ask them if they could connect you with at least two other folks from their network you can talk with. Asking for other people’s names/contact info is less threatening to them and shows your true desire to ask for their advice and counsel.

3. Always ask the person if they would provide short e-mail introductions to their contacts. This will give you instant credibility with those you will be contacting. They know the person you networked with, and that person has said what a nice guy you are, etc.

4. Meet your network contacts at places and times convenient for them. Have them suggest a spot, and they will feel more comfortable.

5. Always e-mail them after your networking meeting thanking them for their advice and potential contacts. Also, ask them if you could stay in contact with them periodically and maybe meet again at some later point.

6. When you first connect with your networker’s contacts, make sure to reference the person’s name and what a nice person he/she is. This will connect you with that person as the new contact decides whether he/she has time to network or will be able to provide you with an informational interview.

7. Repeat the same processes with every person that becomes a part of your network. Be patient and don’t be concerned the person does not get back to you right away. He/she may be extremely busy, and they may value your true patience with them.

8. Additionally, always let the people you meet with know you are more than willing to help them network or get connected with your contacts if they, at some point, look for a new position. Because remember: A fantastic networker understands that connecting is not a one-way street. Providing two-way support will show your willingness to go the extra mile and will probably be memorable to your “network.”

9. One last to do: I encourage you become active in a relevant industry association as part of your current position at work. This will give you visibility in the association, and you could personally meet a lot of folks who might be able to help you in the future.

Belief in networking will help you land your next great work adventure.

Fun: When was the last time you truly had fun this year? My family and I recently headed down to the Keys in Florida. While extremely hot and humid, the time allowed me to step back from this year and just enjoy the time I spent with my family. No phone calls, e-mails to answer or even articles/blog posts to write. It was fabulous! As an introvert, I need to reenergize myself once in a while, and Key West offered me big-time “reenergizing.” When I got back to Minnesota, I felt a bit like the energizer bunny!

You may not want to travel, but please find some quality time for yourself to chill a bit and remember the great person that you are. This time will truly and honestly make a difference as you move forward in you job, your family and, most importantly, in your life!

Please let me know how you are doing and expect to see a new post next week. Until then, I hope you are having a resilient day!