Feb 25
2009

By Steve Beseke – beseke1@earthlink.net

You’ve seen those national surveys highlighting our fears in life. Usually, the #1 fear at work or school is talking in front of large groups. Folks have quipped they would rather spend a weekend on a desert isle with their mother-in-laws than talking in front of a group more than five. Right behind on this list of torture seems to be the notion of networking with people after you’ve been downsized, laid off or unceremoniously let go.

Most of us have been there at some point in our careers and networking to find that next great position seems absolutely daunting. Yes, you hear that eight out of 10 jobs today are found through that Twighlight Zone term. But what is networking and how can you use it to your absolute resilient advantage whether you are employed or not.

Firstly, a little about me. I am an introvert. I don’t hold up in my office afraid to meet anybody, but I must recharge my batteries every so often when I need to put on my mask of extroversion. Networking, by definition, takes a fully-charged battery. But, unlike the art of great public speaking, networking is not just for those utterly confident in their message and delivery. I was once told that networking is for only those who can “magically” talk about themselves, able to  confidently meet strangers at a coffee shop or through e-mail, and can only be mastered by extroverts.

This is absolutely wrong, and I am a very successful introverted example. 

While I love all my extroverted friends, I am here to tell you that networking can work great even for those of us who are less “magically” inclined. Plain and simple: Networking is just meeting people to discuss potential common interests.

When I came back to my home state of Minnesota a number of years ago from Chicago, I did not have a job and had few connections. Within a reasonable period of time, I found a great non-advertised job through networking. Because of my effort, I was working for one of the respected companies in the world.

This was back before Linkedin, Facebook or Twitter to help the networking process.

Whether you are an introvert like me or an extrovert, the key is you need to see the value (eight out of 10 jobs connected) of meeting people and not be afraid to do it.

It was quite daunting at first for me. In addition to being an introvert, I also had a physical disability that made me more shy in meeting people – especially strangers.

Here is how I successfully networked then and how it can be applied today for your next great work adventure.

- I happened to belong to an industry association when returning from Chicago. I looked up on their web site the e-mail addresses of more than 400 members and separately e-mailed all of them saying, “I’m in the process of looking for a new position and would appreciate your advice and counsel as I look for my next fantastic place to work.” Everyone loves to give advice and I received more than 150 e-mails from members saying they would help me. More than 100 said they would enjoy personally meeting me at a coffee shop or restaurant to discuss my needs.

- It sounds too easy but it works if you follow a few simple rules.

1. Never ask them for a job, but provide them with a statement of the work you are looking for and a resume they can look through. If they have something, you’ll hear about the position. Networking, initially, is to get to know the person so they remember you when a position crosses their desk or they see something over the Internet.

2, While not asking for a job, you must ask them if they could connect you with at least two other folks from their network you can talk with. Asking for other people’s names/contact info is less threatening to them and shows your true desire to ask for their advice and counsel.

3. Always ask the person if they would provide short e-mail introductions to their contacts. This will give you instant credibility with those you will be contacting. They know the person you networked with, and that person has said what a nice guy you are, etc.

4. Meet your network contacts at places and times convenient for them. Have them suggest a spot, and they will feel more confortable.

5. Always e-mail them after your networking meeting thanking them for their advice and potential contacts. Also, ask them if you could stay in contact with them periodically and maybe meet again at some later point.

6. When you first connect with your networker’s contacts, make sure to reference the person’s name and what a nice person he/she is. This will connect you with that person as the new contact decides whether he/she has time to network or will be able to provide you with an informational interview.

7. Repeat the same processes with every person that becomes a part of your network. Be patient and don’t be concerned the person does not get back to you right away. He/she may be extremely busy, and they may value your true patience with them.

8. Additionally, always let the people you meet with know you are more than willing to help them network or get connected with your contacts if they, at some point, look for a new position. Because remember: A fantastic networker understands that connecting is not a one-way street. Providing two-way support will show your willingness to go the extra mile and will probably be memorable to your “network.”

9. One last to do: I encourage you become active in a relevant industry association as part of your current position at work. This will give you visibility in the association, and you could personally meet a lot of folks who might be able to help you in the future.

Networking has been the only way I found my last two positions and will probably stay an integral part of my resilient career strategies until I retire to the beaches of Hawaii.

Take care my resilient friends!

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Feb 17
2009

By Steve Beseke

In my 25+ year work career, I’ve had countless successes and a few challenges along the way. When I’ve had challenges with my physical disability, career and/or life, I have found the most important key is to have trust in myself. This unyielding confidence to successfully pull through any situation has been important for me.

Maintaining a baseline of confidence in good and not so good times is THE most most important resiliency/adaptability factor that allows me to continue my work and life everyday.

As I reach a half century this year, life has had its moments where I’ve wanted to shut the world out because I’ve momentarily lacked the confidence in myself. This may have been because I had just tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and fallen. (My balance is sometimes affected by my physical disability – Cerebral Palsy.) Or, I just had a conversation with my daughter that I knew could have gone better. Or, I had just recently been laid of from a wonderful job I truly loved.

All of us have such issues – great and small – we face everyday. They can truly affect the confidence in ourselves. To help maintain resilience, I have highlighted a few of my successful confidence strategies that you may want to apply to your everyday needs

I’d suggest you think about the following, and try at least one strategy this week to help stay resilient and confident. Because remember: Your most important asset is you.

- Finding one positive about yourself each day. Every day, I try to find at least one thing I did very well the previous day. This may be helping a colleague network to find a better job, knowing I treated my daughter fairly in a conversation about improving her grades, or (simply) that I exercised and liked the way my body reacted.

What is one simple or complex action yesterday that you felt confident about in your life?

- Stop sweating. I try to avoid sweating the daily small stuff that may lead me to lose a bit of confidence in myself. Whether that may be not worrying I am a couple minutes late for a meeting because I hurt my back getting out of the car, not getting one of my Top Five list of things done I promised myself, or forgetting to pet my wonderful dogs as I leave for work.

What small stuff will you try to avoid to keep your confidence on the right level each day?

- Liking Yourself. I am the first one to admit that I don’t always like myself every minute of every day. I make mistakes I regret, I don’t always see possibilities when they are in front of my face, or I am just having a bad hair day.

No matter what happens, though, I always remember what is truly important in my life – loving my beautiful wife, teaching my wonderful daughter the values she will carry throughout her life, or talking with the great friends I have had for so many years. Such examples are keys to being happy with myself and successfully getting past certain times where I don’t always see myself in the best light.

What do you like about yourself?

Over the next week, I suggest thinking through such questions, and trying to maintain the right amount of confidence in all parts of your life. There will always be days where your confidence wanes and your resiliency disappears. But just remember the love and emotional value of your family and friends, and the good that you do at work and throughout your life. You are such a good person!

A famous philosopher once said: “Maintaining one’s confidence is ultimately the gift of liking yourself no matter what external factors get in the way.”

I definitely agree.



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Feb 11
2009

By Steve Beseke

Many of us spend too much time on what we could have done, or thinking about our perceived personal and professional weaknesses.

To stay resilient in these challenging times, all of us need to focus on our strengths as a person, spouse, parent, friend and co-worker. This is especially true for many of us who have been seriously affected by recent layoffs, which are unfortunately gaining speed in our country today.

Adapting to new challenges always means looking at ways we can be a better person. But focusing on the past and any weakness(es) you see in yourself will diminish the fantastic person that you are everyday.

That is why this week I encourage you to think about one strength you see in yourself and how this positively affects your life. In fact, when you wake up in the mornings this week, let’s all try to remember this strength and the good people that we are.

Resiliency and adaptability is sometimes putting the past in perspective and creating a sense of future hope. Identifying your strengths will highlight the terrific assets you bring everyday to yourself, family and friends.

I heard someone say once: “You can’t always fix your weaknesses but you can definitely improve on your strengths. Focusing too much on weaknesses will expend far more needed resilient energy than continually showing the world your strengths.

Highlighting these strengths will allow each of us to tackle the variety of daily issues we face – and the uncertainty all of us may have in this economic perfect storm.

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Feb 5
2009

Steve Beseke

To effectively deal with my career and life ups and downs (please see my previous post), I periodically ask myself this resiliency question: What makes me the happiest about myself for that particular moment?

- Is it something great I have accomplished at work?

- Is it that I remembered to kiss my beautiful wife when I got up in the morning?

- Is it that I effectively handled a typical challenge from my teenage daughter?

- Is it that I thought positive things about myself that day without sweating the small stuff?

I have found resiliency is more than just dealing with the big things in life – a death of a family member, losing one’s job or dealing with many other family or work situations. It is more about the smaller things we do everyday that make us feel good about ourselves and able to adapt successfully when unforeseen events happen.

My resiliency challenge for you this week is to do one thing that makes you happy, which has been off your radar screen for awhile. Maybe it is kissing your spouse or actually having a meaningful conversation with one or all of your children. Or it may be helping a co-worker with a work project even though you are not assigned to do it. These are actions within your control and are easily doable if only you give a small portion of your time.

Over time, they will help build the resiliency and inner-feeling of good inside you when dealing with things not always within your control. These may be the unreasonable request from your boss, the 10-item To Do list at home, or your car going nuts as you need to go to an important event.

I’d love to hear from you and how you chose your particular action. How did it go and did you begin feeling that inner-sense of good? I suggest choosing one item like this per week, and you will begin to see the total sense of resiliency you build up moving forward.

Take care my friends.



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Feb 2
2009

Hi! My name is Steve Beseke. In creating this site, I’d like to share career and life resiliency strategies during these very challenging economic times throughout the US.

My resiliency experience comes from more than 25 years in the corporate communications/PR industry and successfully adapting to a physical disability I have had since birth – Cerebral Palsy. My experiences – and adapting to new challenges every day – should help the adventure of this blog be a terrific experience for me and hopefully you.

I look forward to partnering with you and sharing experiences to help so many of us make it through these very tough times.

Here is a speech I have recently given about the partnership between life resiliency and career adaptability. I would love your comments and thoughts.

Achieving Control in Our Lives: It’s All About Resiliency and Adaptability

A Little About Me

A couple years ago, I woke up in an emergency room. I had fallen and smacked my head on an unforgiving marble floor. My head did not like it at all. As I regained my composure and was taken to the hospital, my first thought was to again blame my physical disability. You see: I have Cerebral Palsy, which significantly affects my walking especially as I have become creakier at my “advanced age” of nearly 50.

Then, as it has for as long as I remember, my little resiliency inner voice took over as I was recovering with a couple of my valued work colleagues at my side. It reminded me that my entirely life has been about resiliency and adapting to circumstances sometimes out of my control. I knew this in the emergency room: I was not going to let my disability stop me from my independence of walking and living life however I saw fit.

After a few tests, the doctors said I was O.K. to go home. I was fortunate that my life and public profile was not affected except for a few short-term bruises.

I don’t highlight my particular life example to tap into your empathy. I tell you this little life vignette to highlight that we all are dealt certain cards in life, and have critical life issues we deal with every day in our personal or work lives. The key I have found to transition me very successfully through such personal and work challenges is my resiliency and adaptability to get past any of these life bumps – no matter how significant.

More Life Situations

About a year after the fall, I received another body blow – not from my disability – but from my employer. While I had recently received a generous pay increase and a great bonus that year, they said our nation’s current economic perfect storm had forced them to make massive layoffs including me. I thought striking my face on the hotel’s floor was bad enough but now this horrible and unexpected news. I had worked so hard and achieved wonderful success, but then my gut was kicked in through circumstances out of my control.

Again, my little voice was back telling me this was only a momentary set back and things were going to work out better than ever. At the time, though, I was not paying attention to be little voice. I was thinking “why me” and ”what I have I done to deserve this…”

A short time after my “pity moment, “I was watching a report on the nightly news about families in a certain part of the world living on and eating from garbage dumps every day of their lives. That’s when my little voice again came in load and clear telling me how lucky I was to have the life God gave to me. I, then, truly began to understand how adaptability and being resilient has always applied to every part of my life.

All of Us Can Take the Resiliency Journey

As I talk with you for a few minutes today about resiliency, I know many of you have your own life challenges that may be just as significant as the ones I have faced throughout my life. All of us have issues we deal with every day – great and small. No one is immune from life. The key is developing successful strategies to adapt and make changes to circumstances you might be dealing with today.

I don’t pretend to have answers to your particular issues or circumstances, except to say without finding ways to turn the page and determine your unique and resilient ways to adapt, it may take you much longer to succeed and feel good about yourself again.

Whether it is at work or your personal activities, please think for a moment about one area of your life you’d like to improve over the next six months to a year. I know it may be hard to pin down just one. Wow! For me, I have six or seven things I can’t wait for months to change.

What I found through sometimes painful experience, taking on too much at once can mean setbacks in all areas. After, my fall, for example, I thought I’d just walk slower and be more careful. After subsequent falls, I eventually determined the one thing I needed was for doctors to pinpoint why I was falling medically, and then develop one plan of action. The solution eventually determined was injecting cortisone near my spine to reduce disk swelling affecting a nerve controlling my legs. Since then, I have only fallen a few times instead of once or a couple times a week.

A Few Life Questions to Think Through

I, again, invite you to think about one area you want to improve over the next six months or so. The following life questions may help identify the one most important in your life right now.

- What are my special talents I feel most proud of?
- How could I demonstrate my compassion better at work and home?
- What makes you the happiest in your personal life and workplace?
- Where do you believe personal strength comes from?
- What are you doing with your natural talents and abilities?
- What do I believe I can do that I have not pursued yet?
- What are some things I’d like to do, but have never tried?
- If you could have any career in the world, what would be your passion and life’s work?
- What are the qualities I like most and least about myself?
- How have you dealt with a life tragedy (e.g. job loss or a loved one’s death)?
- How has this affected your life’s outlook?

Life is all about adapting to change. Truly thinking about such life questions will help you stay resilient no matter what types of personal and professional life challenges come your way. Being resilient has helped continue my life’s dreams and will help you understand yourself better.

All of Us Can Achieve…

After six months, I suggest you pose your chosen question(s) to yourself again. As you thoroughly act on your one situation, I know you’ll be better satisfied with your life and have the added resiliency to bounce back from any situations.

Answering these questions myself has helped me maintain my confidence levels, enabled me to see my personal vision to succeed, helped me create a successful plan for the future with actions that make a difference and truly have peace with myself.

After your reflections, I encourage you to write to me on my blog www.resiliencyfirst.com and share your positive stories. Or you can e-mail me at beseke1@earthlink.net. I look forward to hearing from you

Because remember: We all have resiliency issues and challenges in life – great and small. It is how we bounce back from these situations that help us have the inner and outwardly peace all of us so richly deserve.



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