Resiliency First

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

The word “settle” is not one of my favorite words when it comes to my career – I hope it is the same way with you. As we successfully navigate through this challenging economy, many friends of mine have had to settle for a new job they may not have necessarily taken if times were better. Other friends have had to settle for a deteriorating work situation with cuts at their company by as much as 75 percent.

Don’t get me wrong: Folks need to do whatever it takes to stop or avoid collecting unemployment checks. But settling can open up an entirely different can of worms when it comes to your confidence, belief in yourself and your passion for the future. While I have had  my share of lay off challenges in the sometimes chaotic circumstances we call “life today,” I still have looked for positions that I could use my strengths as a communicator and writer.

This led me to thinking about how I could “control” my own destiny and starting up a career and life resiliency speaking/writing business. Humbly, it has been very successful because of my proven strengths as a writer, speaker and offering all of you a glimpse of myself – warts and all. While doing this, I also continued to look for corporate communications executive positions that might fit into my renewed resilient lifestyle. The right type of positions are now turning up now as the economy inches up towards at least being even again.

My dilemma is how should I incorporate my successful resiliency biz into my future goals. As I take the next step to a rewarding corporate communications position, I just don’t want to settle for that. I also want to incorporate my burgeoning resiliency business as a platform for me for the future.

I’ve been lucky enough to be acclaimed worldwide by many of you for my resiliency writing and speaking. This has afforded me options that I don’t necessarily want to give up as I land a new communications executive position. I’m still “noodling” about exactly the right mix and would love your advice. Please e-mail at beseke1@earthlink.net.

The lesson I suggest you ponder is what I’ve learned from many of my friends: Please don’t think you don’t have options – your skills and strengths have made you very successful so far. Find a way to take advantage of your situation whether you are employed or still looking for your next great work adventure.

Too often in the past I’ve sold myself short and taken what I could get. As I leave the back nine of my 40s this year, it is my time to look out what is best for me. What is truly best for you?

There’s no way you want to stay or accept a dead-end job, and spending the next few years lamenting how your skills are not being utilized to the fullest. As my resiliency example shows, you need to stick to your strengths, carve out your unique role and make a difference for the most important and terrific person in your life – You!

This belief has given me new life, direction and confidence over the last number of months, and I know you can have the same success. Please just believe that you are so much more special than you always think  - that is, as long as you BELIEVE!!! Then, you won’t have to settle for a life and career controlled by other folks’ agendas.

Taking a hold of your life and not settling also will have an amazing consequence. Folks at work and in your personal life will see your confidence as never before. Wow! See what not settling can do for you…

I truly appreciate your continued readership, and my blog is now reaching more than 10,000 great folks like you worldwide every month – and nearly 22,000 folks last week alone. Not settling for me has made such a difference and has given me the very humbling opportunity to offer my resiliency thoughts to you!

Until next week…take care and please use resiliency as a way to expand your unique and unlimited horizons.

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

As I post Part II of my “Resilient Mindset” series, there are many ways for all of us to continue being successful at work. Even when I was laid off, I needed think about the following principles as I was networking and finding my next great work adventure. Again, these are not meant as breakthrough ideas but common-sense strategies I’ve used to keep my sanity and “head above water” at work.

No strategy works every time, and I’ve suffered my share of setbacks along the way – as I mention further down in the article. It’s, however, how I’ve successfully dusted myself off that has helped me keep the resilient mindset through my 25+-year career as a corporate communications executive. How about you? After reading through this article, I suggest thinking about your approach at work and determine if you should change or enhance your resilient mindset. Thinking through this mindset might save you a lot of unneeded stress and work as you navigate through your career.

I discussed a number of work mindset issues in my first article last week – compromise, adaptability and knowing your strengths. I continue with understanding the need to give a little – on both sides…

Finding Common Ground: Sounds easy, doesn’t it? I mean your work team should have common goals and practices to implement what needs to get done. In my opinion, finding common ground is ultimately the most important aspect of having a successful team and working relationships – whether it is with your boss, colleagues or direct reports. To me, I define common ground as every team member being – at least generally – the same page with the company’s vision and values. Do your reports know what the goals of a project or company are? Do you? Does your supervisor? Any of these trigger points can break down the sense of accomplishment all of us need to feel to be happy and successful and continue to have the resilient mindset at work.

This sometimes takes a team and even a corporate culture shift where more necessary information is given out to keep folks from jumping to their own conclusions at work. This “jump” can lead to lost productivity, rumors and increased stress levels for you and your team.

I was talking a couple minutes ago about the recent lay off communications plan I developed. Before I had a chance to even write it, I had to convince superiors to be upfront to employees for the challenging going on at the company. They initially did not want any extra communications fearing employees would get too nervous. I won the “more is better” argument by showing them the failing of other companies that decided to keep information close the vest

Going that extra step to communicate just a bit more can ultimately increase team understanding, your specific resiliency and cause you less stress long-term. While layoffs happened, the company received very little criticism for not letting employees know what was going on. I found common ground for the employees and company’s benefit.

You probably have much better common ground examples in your work careers. I won’t ask you to voice them, but spend the next few minutes thinking about ways you could further promote common ground in your immediate and extended teams. Try to implement at least one of these strategies in the next week or month at work. You’ll be happier, more productive and resilient.

As all of you know, our work resiliency is being tested these days. One interesting statistic from a recent national survey:

- More than 50 percent of employees across the country are finding their workload has increased by as much as 75 percent in the last 18 months.

During these stormy economic days, many of us are just trying to keep our heads down and grind through the workday waiting for a better and resilient tomorrow.

I read an article recently about a couple of resilient strategies to ease our job worries. They have worked for me and may help you continue having a resilient mindset. They are:

- The surprising cure for job stress: Schedule one more weekly work meeting and communicate with your supervisor. The current daily avalanche of headlines about layoffs can give even rock-solid employees like you job jitters.

You can’t change what researchers call the “collective uncertainty about the future,” but you can book a meeting with your supervisor to discuss the company’s goals and define your role in achieving them. Research shows that clearly defined goals make workers happier and healthier.

- Then, begin exercising on a routine basis. You see, those who exercise perform better at work than sedentary people. One study looked at people under extreme stress and time constraints. It was clear those who took the time away from work to exercise regularly  – even 20 minutes a day – were better at attaining personal satisfaction, and significant improved their work productivity and resilience.

Why does that work? Even though I have a physical disability, I try to exercise at least 20 minutes a day – or about the same amount of time going your local coffee shop and buying a large cappuccino.

I am definitely not a preacher, but studies show physically active people process data faster, and they’re more likely to have less work stress or to handle it better than chair-bound types. Workouts help your mind relax, so it’s a better incubator for new ideas and solutions – at work and in life. As one study subject said, “Running gives me a body that performs better at everything that I must do during the day.” Even if your job is secure, why pass up the chance to be at the top of your game all day long?

So, in the next week, just try three things for your resilient, emotional and physical health:

1) Schedule a meeting with your supervisor and discuss priorities during these hard times.

2) Exercise at least 20 minutes every-other-day.

3) Smile as often as you can.

I virtually guarantee you will see very positive resilient mindset results positively helping your stress levels at work and in all facets of your life.

Setbacks:

No matter how successful or resilient we become in life, all of us must deal with life and career setbacks – great and small. Examples might include losing a job, ending a long-term personal relationship, losing a loved one, or being shut down by your boss after presenting “the next greatest idea” at work.

We cannot get around it: Sooner or later all of us will face an opportunity that tests our personal and professional resiliency. To successfully adapt to such “setback moments,” I have learned we must show some patience and understanding – in ourselves.

I mentioned my life-long physical disability a little earlier. A couple years ago, I woke up in an emergency room. I had fallen and smacked my head on an unforgiving marble floor at a work conference. My head did not like it at all. As I regained my composure and was taken to the hospital, my first thought was to again blame my “setback” of having a physical disability.

Then, as it has for as long as I remember, my little resiliency inner voice took over as I was recovering with a couple of my valued work colleagues at my side. It reminded me that my entirely life and career has been about resiliency and adapting to circumstances sometimes out of my control – at work and in life I knew this in the emergency room: I was not going to let my disability stop me from my independence of walking and living life however I saw fit.

After a few tests, the doctors said I was O.K. to go home. I was fortunate that my life and public profile was not affected except for a few short-term bruises.

I don’t highlight my particular life example to tap into your empathy. I tell you this little life vignette to highlight that we all are dealt certain cards in work and in life. The key I have found to transition me very successfully through such personal and work challenges is my resiliency and adaptability to get past any of these life bumps – no matter how significant.

Whatever you work or life setbacks, I suggest using your resilient mindset to overcome the obstacles that you may think are unachievable..

If you are going through a work setback right now – large or small – I’d suggest you think about the following grief stages and face what I did. When you shed all the layers away, I found that life is very special and we cannot worry about things out of your control.

Here are Dr. Kubler-Ross’ grief stages that has helped me recover my confidence my confidence and resiliency.

They are:

Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)

Anger (why is this happening to me?)

Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)

Depression (I don’t care anymore)

Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)

As I’ve mentioned before, our work life is full of ups and downs. How we react to work challenges will determine the scope – and for how long – it will take to recover. Once I realized this and faced up to the grief stages, I recovered faster from my personal physical setback that happened to me at work.

Now it is your turn. Please use my lesson the next time the door shuts for you – or you have your own work/life setbacks.

Additionally, other resilient important techniques to help stop you from grasping for breathe or waiting for the next crisis to hit is:

Stop worrying about things out of your control… To stay happy, productive and in the present at work,  one thing all of us should manage more carefully is our expectations about controlling situations. Do you have ultimate control over how your supervisor reacts a project you’ve completed. Can you control how your reports manage their time. Do you have control how you react to these two situations. The answer to the first two questions is probably “not ultimate control. But you should be able to answer the third question with an unequivocal “yes.

As I mentioned earlier, all of us as managers want to feel great about our work and have a sense of accomplishment without feeling like you are gasping for breath or waiting for the next crisis to hit.” But many times we derail our sense of accomplishment because we worry about the events out of our control. For me, there are only three things you can totally control in your work or personal lives. That is, our attitude, values and how we relate to people. How I am thinking about myself, my work, my life, my family and my friends? As managers, part of our role is to be in control of situations. But you need to understand that nearly 95 percent of the projects or people you work with are only partially controllable by you. So you need to understand those areas that you can control and don’t get worked up about the things you can’t.

I mentioned the example of the CEO speech earlier. Well, just a day earlier, he thought the original speech was what he wanted to go with. But then, as if I were in the Twilight Zone, a few hours later, he wanted a different focus. Could I control his change of opinion…no! But I could control how I reacted to him, and how I re-crafted the speech. If I let the “process” consume me, I could have never wrote what turned out to be an award-nominated speech. In the final analysis, there is not much in our control except your attitude

The point is: If you let your attitude slip, life and work can really spiral downwards.

For reflection, please taker a few moments and write down a recent time where you worried about things at work out of your true control. How did it affect your attitude, your day, and your productivity in the short term? I’d love for you’ll to share an example from a past job…. How is your attitude affecting you today at work? How is it affecting your colleagues and reports? What is your style in relating to folks at work? Should you be more adaptive, compromising or trying to find more common ground?

I’d also suggest thinking for a couple minutes about how you can take charge of your attitude even with the real control challenges many of us have day-to-day.

For me, not dwelling on the things I can’t control has made a tremendous different in my attitude and how I relate to people. One more short vignette: Early in my career, a mentor counseled me that your attitude is one of the most important things people remember and cause you the most stress on an every day basis.

Man, I thought about this advice for a couple months while I was still getting youthfully mad on a whole variety of issues. Then, his advice hit me kicked in after a city council member – those government folks – denied additional funding for a project her constituents wanted.  My new resilient, adaptive mode grew from there and focused on the things I could control. That’s how I evolved into the consensus-building model I use today. My attitude changed about 180 degrees…

To help with “control,” I suggest you should always remember the three Ps – perseverance, persistence and patience.

Perseverance

What can any of us do to reduce work stress? Your performance is great but your company is asking more of you offering less resources.

Persevere, again, means understanding what you can control and understanding what you do best…

Now, all of you are employed and thank goodness. I wasn’t so lucky a few months back. After I was laid off from by dream job because of this economy I mentioned in a previous article, I looked at what was in my control and how I could persevere during these rough times. I knew I had three things I could control – my attitude, my values and the way I relate to people.

While searching for a full-time gig, I also developed a personal business plan, looked hard at my personal brand and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself about what I wanted to do for the rest of my career.

Well, this perseverance led me to resiliency, an award-nominated blog and establishing a business where I could speak at organizations like this, develop resiliency materials for those in need and stay healthy in my day-to-day activities. It’s been a true blessing…

The lesson I learned – and one you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a professional setback at work. Look at yourself hard and determine what makes you happy in your job. Write those down and look at them once in awhile as you come out of your boss’s office perplexed on the decision that was made.  If those statements  still hold true, you are still on the right course. If not, you should look at how your reactions and decisions will allow you to persevere and maintain “work happiness” as you see it.

Don’t just settle because then you may be going through the same challenges in future time. Persevere and understand the fantastic skills and qualities you offer everyday!

Persistence

That great idea you’ve had that no one seems to hear or understand. It could have the company thousands of dollars, or make employees understand the company better. But no one seems to listen and your idea floats in oblivion. And you just don’t have enough energy or will to pursue it any longer. Been there, done that…

But just think about… those innovators throughout history.

I hope this does not happen to you:  After the 30th rejection letter, or having a company choose someone else after seven separate interviews from the CEO to the janitor on duty, I’ve had friends and colleagues say, “I am just going to give up.” This is when you must persist and learn how to promote yourself in an even better way.

I hate to promote myself. My dad was a car dealer, and I wish I had his out-going personality and ability to convince folks to close the deal. I’ve always struggled with this, and have tried to let my work do the talking for me. Unfortunately, in these times, you need to show folks why there can’t be a better candidate than you.

That’s why I think understanding and believing in your personal brand is absolutely a key to your future success. When I first re-crafted my “brand,” I thought I’d never come up with something that was truly me. But I persisted and gave myself enough time where I did not feel pressured to write something in five minutes. I persisted and diligently wrote down all my strengths and the types of work I like to do. I also did the same with my weaknesses and the activities I don’t like to do.

This gave my a framework where I was able to write down “my future.” It was not easy and it took significant time but I got it done and now I understand what I want to do for the last 15 years of my career. My persistence led to talking about resiliency and opening up about my disability experiences. Most of all, it gave me the inner confidence to offer my common-sense messages to assist you and other great folks worldwide. Being persistent can be magical…

Patience

You’ve just been laid off and wonder where the money will come from to pay the bills, keep your house and pay for your son’s birthday party coming up soon. In these circumstances, being patient to find your next great job is very hard. I’ve been there and my friends have been there. There’s nothing fun about it and you just want to hurry to find a job that pays for life.

For me, I found that I needed to step back for a moment and don’t hurry into something that I may regret. At least for the short term, I stayed patient and tried to understand what my next step should be. If you have access to unemployment insurance, you nest egg or money in your overall family, that’s great. If you don’t, you may want to consider consulting or some other type of part-time role to get you by for at least little while. This type of patience helped me as I found what I wanted to do – and the next great job in my life.

All of us can react wonderfully to favorable times in our lives. Our true grit is shown in how we deal with the professional and personal challenges all of us sometimes face. I suggest you think of the three Ps the next time you face one of those possible life-changing events in your life. Please don’t stay knocked down for long…see your true and fabulous potential.

Control: What life and career actions are totally within your control? For me, being called a work “rock star” and “essential” gave me some belief that I could ride out the layoff wave. Yet, I was still laid off. Nearly all of us think we are in control of more things than we are. My mother has worked at the same company for nearly 63 years. She is a beloved institution at her company and continues to thrive every day. The rest of us can expect 10 jobs over our career – not because we like to move around or our performance is deficient. The great company you work for today may not be in control of their fate tomorrow.

So, why worry about things out of your control? A psychologist I had coffee with told me “it’s being human.” Sounds justifiable in the abstract, but that does not pay the mortgage, keep your solid relationships intact, or make you feel a whole lot better.

Next time you have a low-confidence moment, just think about the three life actions totally within your control – your attitude, your values and how you interact with people. Find ways to use these three to see what is important for your life – your family, your friends and yourself.

I’d like to end my resiliency mindset discussion in talking about the most important person in your work life – yes, You.

To stay resilient at work, I’d suggest

Tapping into your vision of yourself, know what gives you satisfaction, and bring those into your current job or life situation.

The inner game. Recognize what makes you happy. Setting aside what you “should” like, think about what you “do” like. Everyone is different in what kind of tasks they like to do, how much structure they prefer, and how much they want to interact with others. Think about the type of company you’d like to work in — its size, culture and mission.

To truly understand and adapt your personal brand, you need to understand how you feel. When I was young, I did not want to discuss my disability and rarely asked for any help – even if needed. As I indicated above, I wanted to be seen as a normal person in a “normal” world. Can you blame me? Unfortunately, others do not always understand any difference a person has.

Folks always thought I needed doors opened for me or I was in severe pain when I walked. As a person in my 20s and 30s, and wanted to be seen like anybody else. So, my personal brand revolved around proving and acting as normal as I could be. I purposely became skilled at sports, lettered in high school athletics and became nearly a “scratch” golfer. While I was no Arnold Palmer or Tiger Woods, my personal brand was all about this normalcy.

- Assess your current situation at work and how you personal brand fits into it. Review the amount of structure you have, the tasks you do, the people you work with and the organization you work for. How well does it fit with your ideal? Think about what you’d want to change in a new position. Look at your career progression, focusing on aspects that brought you enjoyment along the way. Consider ways in which your job has changed or how your personal brand has grown. Be clear about the parts that fit, too; it’s important to focus on the resilient positives.

- Look at the big picture. Are you satisfied with your life? Don’t leave anything out — consider family, friends, health, spirituality and hobbies. If you aren’t happy in the rest of your life, it’ll be harder to boost your energy at work.

The outer game. Build on the outer positives and your inner-resiliency. Consciously savor the aspects of work and life situations you like. Look for ways to bring back parts of your past jobs that were engaging. For example, you may miss doing hands-on analysis now that you’re in a management role. Without overdoing it, get a little closer to the work your team does.

As far as your career, I’d recommend watching your preferences. If you prefer individual work but spend a lot of time in teams, negotiate ways to have more independent work time. You may have more options than you first perceive, but you’ll need to ask for what you want. And vise-versa…

Stretch. Once you’ve mastered your job, it can feel stagnant. Find ways to grow. Take on special projects, or get to know people in other parts of the organization. Steps like these could lead to a new role. Think about your ideal job, and integrate aspects of that into the job you have now.

Having a mindset about work resilience is not a science. There’s no ultimate five-step guide to work resilience. But navigating your every day work challenges gives you the opportunity to show your strengths and demonstrate your successful work resilience for your company and yes, Yourself!

Managing your workload everyday requires your creative skills in avoiding job burn out and developing the proper mindset in dealing with difficult customers, colleagues and supervisors. At the same time, your work success depends on taking exhausting and chaotic events in stride and ultimately showing the terrific, resilient person that you are.

Please let me know what you think. I look forward to our continued conversation next week!

Early in his successful presidential run, Barack Obama mentioned he used a resilient mindset in keeping on track, staying focused, understanding how other people see him and staying emotionally healthy. Wow! In times of struggle for all of us, the lesson I learned from the President is the need to look hard at your resilient self and understand the needs you want achieved.

Whether you are looking for work or are employed but maxed out, all of us should adopt or fine-tune our own resilient mindset that can keep us from going nuts! The next two articles I write – Part 1 and II – will highlight  the resilient mindset concept for those of you who are still employed. The challenges you face can be very daunting: Ever-increasing budget cuts, workload expectations going through the ceiling panels, working more with a lot less and, yes, the notion that layoffs are not over yet to name a few.

As you look at your work resilience, you may want to mull through the following questions you may face every day:

Do you deal difficult customers, colleagues or supervisors? Are you involved in chaotic or exhausting work events? Does it seem like you have to solve the challenges and problems of your direct reports even before your first cup of coffee every morning?  Are you asked to solve work issues assigned by your boss that seem overwhelming or unsolvable? Do you find that you are becoming less resilient to taking sometime challenging  work events in stride?

If you’ve said “yes” to any of these, don’t feel alone. A recent national survey of employees found that 78 percent of them said “yes” to at least one of these questions. More than 50 percent said “yes” to all of them…

Are you surprised? I wasn’t. I have spent the last 25 years successfully (or mostly successfully) stamping out the fires that probably keep you up at nights. Some of my fun has included:

- The last second “request” by the CEO to totally rewrite his approved upcoming speech – and do it in the next hour for his plane ride review…

- The direct report who was to present a white paper at a conference but accidentally deleted the presentation 15 minutes before his presentation – the IT guys had fun with that one.

- Staying up all night to meet a project deadline that unknowingly that day had been pushed back two weeks. My AA was busy planning a luncheon celebration and never gave me the message…

A few times I have been “knocked down” trying to navigate through the turbulent currents we call “the office.” But most of my work life has not been on the “darkside” but trying to stay within a healthy resilient mindset.  I’ve been successful at overcoming most of the work obstacles that many of us face everyday – and ride the resilient wave helping solve a myriad of work issues because of a few strategies I’ve learned along the way.

I use the phrase “resilient mindset,” which I define as deal ing effectively with all aspects of your work life, including challenging customers, colleagues or possibly being nervous that this challenging economy might affect your job. This also means springing back from adversity to take pleasure in the quiet moments with your spouse, significant person, children, friends or yourself – and even realizing that work/life balance is more than just a concept on a corporation’s blotter.

To keep your work resilience at a healthy level, I have found the art of workplace compromise, adaptability, finding common ground, and understanding my strengths and weaknesses very important.

Compromise: At least in American culture, the word “compromise” is not always seen in the best of light in the workplace Typically, many of us are brought up to stick to our beliefs and not give in unless absolutely necessary. Well, in your job and career, this narrowly-defined attitude can spell ultimate failure. There was a study that showed that not being able to compromise was one of the top reasons work relationships fail.

For me, compromise does not mean always giving in to the eccentricities or demands of your co-workers – or even your boss. It’s giving a little on both sides to find a common middle. That approved CEO speech I mentioned earlier is a good example of how I used the art of compromise to my fullest advantage. Instead of shuddering at the timeframe for writing the “new speech,” I talked with the CEO and gave him a number of concrete reasons why the new timeframe would not make him look good.

You can recite what is good for the company but try highlighting what is best for the person. None of us, even CEOs, want to come across as unprepared. I received an extra 90 minutes to re-craft the speech…it truly made the difference. Humbly speaking the CEO received a standing ovation after his speech.

A non-work compromise example that can be applied to work happened to me recently. After five years, my 14-year-old daughter was apparently not that interested in the flute any longer I thought she should just give up playing an instrument. My wife, however, took the long view and said that playing an instrument could continue to teach our daughter commitment, resilience and teamwork.

After many days of discussion, I began to believe my wife was right but that our daughter had to continue playing the flute instead of the sax.  We compromised on the solution – it took another month to convince our daughter about the positives of playing the flute rather than the challenges and expense of trying a new instrument at her age.

The workplace point: Sometimes your co-workers or other colleagues are right on about the implementation of a project. I suggest not letting status and (yes) egos get in the way of a great idea. A senior manager once told me he received the best advice over lunch when he sat down by one of the hourly workers.

The manager struck up a conversation with the worker about the new work/life balance plan of the company he was presenting to the entire company the following week in the afternoon. The worker was interested but asked how will it be communicated to his friends on the “grave yard” shift. The manager said they would have to attend the presentation or call-in.

The worker said presenting info about work/life balance policies is great for those on the right shifts, but the presentation for other might be a burden with families, sleep, etc. The light bulb went off and the senior manager added presentations at the times convenient for the shift workers. It meant a bit more time for him but ultimately was seen as very proactive in getting the message successfully out.

The manager compromised – not because of superiors – but because he listened to a typical employee. He could have stuck to his original schedule but compromised for the good of employees. It ultimately caused him less stress because he did not have to go back and “fix” something out-of-whack.

What ways you could “compromise” with a superior, co-worker or direct report that might make your day and week go smoother. Not everything needs to go your way, and the skill of compromising in some situations can be seen as a very positive career enhancer and part of your work resilience.

Adaptability: We have all learned to adapt in our lives one way or another – whether at work or personally. Personally, I’ve had to adapt to a life-long disability known as Cerebral Palsy, which has at least initially affected perceptions of me at work.

The old saying, “Never judge a book by its cover” definitely applies in my case and possibly many colleagues you deal with every day. Sometimes these perceptions get in the way that might affect you or your team’s productivity at work. Such unfounded perceptions can cause you stress and may make you pop a few antacids during the day.

Don’t worry that a person may be of a different generation, different gender, different belief or – like me – a bit different physically.

I suggest leaving all that at the door and judge folks on their work and how they get along with you. Sounds easy, but I know perceptions can become reality if you are not careful.

Very early in my career (I am now 49) a supervisor was so caught up with my disability, he would go down to the lunch room to get me something to eat, never schedule a meeting if it was not a short distance away from my cube, etc., etc. He was under the mistaken impression that I could not do normal activities. He later said he thought I was in pain when I walked.

Disconnect to the max. He assumed something that he never asked me about and adapted much of his free work time “to help me.” Finally, I sat him down to let him know I never need help unless I ask for it. He was shocked I walked around the State Fair, lettered in tennis and golf in high school, etc. When I told him this, he was effectively released from having to adapt a lot of his day to make my work day better – this, of course, was before the Americans with Disability Act was enacted in 1988.

The workplace point: My personal example may be on the extreme side, but you need to be successfully adaptive in your work style with others. I suggest never assuming someone can ‘t do something or only has a certain skill set without asking or observing the person first.

Please think about two adaptability and compromise moments at work that relieved your stress in the past, or ones you would have like to have done differently.

Knowing Your Strengths – and Weaknesses. Now let’s talk about how your resilient mindset plays into strengths and, yes, our weaknesses. All of us have tremendous personal and professional strengths – and, of course, a few weaknesses along the way.

As we talk through this section, please think about ways you use your tremendous strengths to be a great person, employee and supervisor. When doing this, then think about the ways your perceived weaknesses sometimes mask the best that you are. As employees, all of us want to feel great about our work and have a sense of accomplishment without feeling like you are gasping for breath or waiting for the next crisis to hit.

While we need to understand our weaknesses, I contend (for our health, happiness and well-being) we should focus on what we do well in at work, instead of always dwelling on the things we don’t do so well. It’s definitely easier said than done. I know I could list work weaknesses easier than writing down the same amount of strengths. Studies show that our strength/weakness thought process is just the way our brains are connected and how societal norms prompt us to view ourselves.

In your job, though, I have found my greatest success when I am totally focus on what I do best. I know that is easier said than done because you don’t always get accolades on your strengths at work. Rather, some corporate cultures rate you more on your possible missteps. I m usually a very laid-back consensus-builder type of guy at work, and I am not at my best when I step out of character – being too inflexible and stubborn. I definitely can exhibit all these sometimes-perceived weaknesses but my strength is being the compassionate, team guy in most work situations.

Knowing my particular strengths have helped successfully stay on the same resilient page. When I recently was asked to create a layoff communications plans that would affect so many of my work friends – and ultimately me -the first draft was not “hard enough.” I’m not good at being hard.

I took the critique by upper management, and used my strengths of adaptability to craft a more direct yet sensitive communications plan that was implemented. The point: Unless you lack some core skills, I suggest not worrying as much your weaknesses. Spend at least 80 percent of the time demonstrating your strengths to your work world. You’ll feel happier and a lot better of yourself, while showing what you do best. Your work hired you for your strengths – showing them every day will keep you healthy.

A study has show that workers can improve their strengths by up to 30 percent. If they use the same amount of time to improve their weaknesses, they can only get less than a 10 percent improvement rate. If we have a glaring weakness, that is a different story but…focus on your strengths, my friends.

In Part II of this article next week, I will talk about finding common ground, dealing with work setbacks and enjoying your time at work – where you may spend more than one-third of your working years in life.

Your comments have been very inspiring! Thanks for linking to my resiliency site, and I will talk with you again next week!

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

With all of Tiger Woods golfing prowess, he credits his father for teaching that talent, effort and sometime brilliance can only take a person so far in life. His father told him the most important part in any life equation is “believing in yourself.” Tiger has said – like any of us – the belief in himself has not always been there for him 100 percent of the time.

As a person who was recently laid off from my dream job and is now successfully starting a resiliency speaking and writing business, I find this very encouraging. Tiger has been so successful yet his mind can also play a number with him…

As all of us struggle through this economic mess worldwide, your self-belief can make the total difference between pulling the sheets over your head in the morning, or believing that your talent and creativity will help keep/find the job you may be worried about right now.

There are many external factors – like being laid off – that can puncture a hole in your belief. There, however, is only one way you can control how others see you – by showing the resilience and strong spirit that allows you to successfully navigate through these chaotic times.

I admit that sometimes I am an idealist. I, for one, have had moments in my life where my belief in myself is nearly non-existent. The only way I can move forward from these moments is focusing my energies on my strengths, understanding my will to succeed, stop sweating the small stuff, and allowing myself to stretch and, yes, sometimes fail. Believing in yourself can be unimaginably hard and none of us can be a “rock” all the time. If you understand that you might fail once in awhile, the belief will give you the strength to overcome whatever you want changed in your life.

Stretching: Stretching yourself can mean many things in your personal or professional life. For me, personally, it is believing that I will be able to walk my whole life. This, despite my life-long physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) that is making me a bit more fragile as I celebrate  being 50 this year. As I sometimes literally fall, I must keep believing that walking without some type of aid is still possible long term. Friends and family think this is a bit of a stretch – even though they have my very best interests in their heart. But if I don’t keep believing in myself, I am likely to see my walking independence reduced or eliminated as I age.

While there is nothing wrong with aids, my belief has stubbornly kept me walking without a cane or even a wheelchair. I look for ways to adapt and keep myself from teeter-tottering unnecessarily.

While I still have my falls and visit the pavement, I give you this personal example to offer a moment for you to reflect: How are you doing maintain your belief in yourself? What ways will you use keep believing even if you encounter a few bumps in the road?

No More Sweats: I recently heard anecdotal information that nearly everyone in a workplace could be at least 20 percent more efficient if they would avoid sweating the small stuff typically out of a person’s control. Such things like the challenging habits of a co-worker, the company policies that only give lip service to real work/life balance, or the boss that spends more time worrying about image rather than substance.

Most all of us have been in these situations, and they can truly derail the belief in your resilient self. Instead of spending more time developing your strengths, you might be spending 20 percent dealing with such “small things” that you can’t ultimately control anyway.

You can’t avoid such nonsense totally – especially at work – but you can minimize your time/reaction by not using unnecessary to try to change them. The boss I had many years ago who was more style than substance could not be changed. Yet, I spent time trying to find ways to wake him up or at least move him closer to center. I had no luck on all counts but this effort hurt the perception of myself because I truly believed I could make it right.

Will: You have to want to believe in yourself. I have met many good folks that don’t understand their strengths, their personal and professional contributions, or just how resilient they are in life. I’m sure you have met a few folks like this, too.

Any of us can point to circumstances and say, “This is the reason I don’t have self-confidence moving forward.” I say to those folks that they need to step back, reassess the positives they bring to this world and have the will to successfully deal with the great days as well as the ones that don’t go quite as well. I contend that your will should not be used as a way to get the next next big thing – 100 inch big-screen TV or that supped-up sports car that has “You” written all over it.

I think you need to reign in the will a bit and focus on using your immense talents to “believe” – believe in yourself, believe in your resilient attitude and, most importantly, believe that you have the opportunity to make this world  a much better place with your presence. How will you use your will to believe in yourself?

Tiger and all of us can serve ourselves more resiliently if we could consistently remember a slightly altered Martin Luther King phrase, “Believe at last, believe at last and, most importantly,  believe at last!”

Thanks, again, for visiting my resiliency site and reading this article. Please just let me know if you have any comments or you’d like me to focus on additional resiliency topics. Take Care…