by Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net
All of us get discouraged once in awhile…it’s only human. A particular day might not be going well because you had a challenging conversation with your spouse, children, your boss or just that your bio-rhythms are a bit out of sync.
Because of my physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) I have to be very careful that my creaky body does not lead me to falling or otherwise “hurting” myself in some other way. This can become very discouraging if I don’t maintain my resilience. In a previous article, I mentioned my inner resiliency voice that has helped me pull through such discouraging life moments – such as smacking my head on a marble floor after a fall in front of work colleagues, or needing stitches after a similar spill many years ago.
While my challenges of walking may be more obvious, all of us must face our own unique discouraging moments – in work and in life – that we’d like to forget. The key in not staying discouraged for me is how I react to those moments. Do I pity myself and become more discouraged…no! Do I want to blame others or retreat into my inner-world…no! Do I dust myself off – whether it is a physical, life or work event – and contine striving for my best…absolutely yes!!! Of course, I may get discouraged once-in-awhile, but I rarely let it consume me where it affects the most important parts of my life – family, friends and believing in myself.
How do you deal with discouraging moments in your life and career? Do you too often let it affect all parts of your day thus perpetuating the discouragement into something less healthy? I truly hope not. If you do, then other parts of my day don’t seem to go as planned, and the discouragement and apprehensiveness will grow.
To minimize such tendencies, I began several years ago to become much more “compartmentalized.” If one part of my day did not go particularly well, I’d quite literally shut the door to that compartment for awhile and open another resilient door I am dealing with currently.
I found, of course, it is definitely easier said than done. I’m still not perfect at it, and sometimes a creaky door or two doesn’t firmly shut. But having this mindset allows me to have a life/career strategy that is more healthy and resilient for me. What are your strategies to stop dwelling on things sometimes out of your control?
What I’ve learned, which I suggest you think about, is don’t lump all your worries, challenges and discouraging thoughts into one overwhelming compartment, Instead, find ways to break up these moments into smaller, more manageable subsets that you can deal with individually and not as a collective whole.
I have a number of strengths and, of course, a few weaknesses along the way. One of my “learned” strengths is not trying to deal with all of my day’s challenges together… I’m not very good at dealing with “floods,” and my challenges can group together in a Hurricane Katrina deluge if I don’t stick to sorting them out individually.
I was laid off a number of months ago because of of our country’s economic perfect storm. Man, was I discouraged because this was a dream job and I was tagged as a “rock star” in the organization. Well, such rock stars and more than 1,000 others were let go – not because of performance – in the worst economic meltdown since the great Depression. While I’ve very happily landed on my feet in my successful resiliency speaking biz, the lay off happened at a time when I was not feeling great physically among other issues.
Instead of dwelling on things, you may want to think about what I did: I used my compartmentalization model to reassess what I truly wanted to do for the rest of my career and life at 49. I shut my physically-disabled door to focus on how I could re-craft my personal brand to truly make a living and a difference in this world. Sure, the discouragement of being let go was still there, but I looked at my strengths rather than the past to guide me in a way that increased my confidence, my belief in myself and, quite honestly, a renewed sense of liking who I was/am.
Such discouragement has now led me to a resiliency blog attracting more than 20,000 of you every month, resiliency speaking/webinar gigs to local and national audiences, and a sense that I have found my calling to help you – and me – get through the inevitable struggles of life.
My advice is don’t let discouraging moments overwhelm you. Try to find ways to separate those moments from the other terrific parts of your life. My very dear father died a number of years ago but I kept on -albeit more lonely. I also have been able to bounce back from – what seem like – hundreds of falls in life…
Never feel too discouraged. You bring a unique and marvelous perspective in this world, and you deserve to stay resilient no matter what life holds for you!
Thanks, again, for reading my award-nominated blog. I would feel discouraged without you! Until next week, my friends… Also, please let me know if you’d like me to write about other aspects of resiliency…you can make the difference!
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